Forgiveness is a process that begins with self-examination. Self-realization, with leads to self-condemnation and confession to God, which leads to forgiveness of self. Only then is it possible to look outward and begin to repair the damage.
It's a hard truth to catch a glimpse of the foul nature of my own soul. I want to look away. To deny it. To cover it over and pretend I didn't see. The last thing I want to do is dig deeper into the disgusting mess I've made of me. But dig I must.
In my Thursday morning Bible study on Nehemiah, we found a revival underway in chapter 8. Ezra the priest read the Jews the law, and they were so overcome that they prostrated themselves and wept. Then Nehemiah commanded them all to stop weeping. They arose, and they danced and celebrated.
Like them, somewhere down underneath the ooze in my soul, my unwilling shovel has hit a subterranean stream of deep, sweet, living water. It bubbles up in a beautiful fountain. And the water's force sprays up and out, forcing a course through my filth.
I am desperately wicked, and I am loved. And so are you. How can we do anything but dance?
In the same way, before I can forgive someone else, I must understand the wrong done to me. So next, I examine what is almost more painful - the damage done to my tender, ignorant heart. Falsehoods believed because they were told to me by someone I trusted. Ways in which I was used as a tool instead of as a human being.
And then I realize the crucial fact.
We are all the same. We all hold the potential to be creatures of unimaginable light, but right now we are all dirty. Every one of us, Christian or non-Christian. And so I must love unconditionally, recognizing wrongs and then choosing to move past them in whatever manner is wisest for the situation at hand.