Academic life at PHC is both easy and hard. It is hard because it demands your all. It is a refining fire. It is easy because it dictates your life for you. It is joyful because you learn about God and about yourself; you know you are working in order to be able to serve God.
Life outside academia is also all these things, only in different combinations. It is hard because the purpose is not clearly defined by surrounding structure. Personal choice plays a part in a way it hasn't for the last five years. What are the new principles to follow? How best to glorify God in this next season?
It is easy because suddenly there is time. Time to read, and think, and pray.
This time is the most terrible, wonderful thing. I keep waiting for a voice from Heaven to tell me how to spend it, to explain what God wants from me. To give me Stuff to Do.
Purpose. We all search for purpose, some sign of our reason for living. What have I been pursuing my entire life? Big dreams with good hearts to them. Writing stories to make others happy the same way that stories made me happy.
Somewhere along the way I lost heart. Love, passion, zest. Perhaps I misplaced it, or maybe I will never be on fire in quite the same way again. But I know that if God takes one thing away, He gives something better. My heart is still here. It just has to reawaken.
I cannot communicate truth and peace to others without first having them rooted deep inside myself.