Life of Pride
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
As of last night, I think I have come to another culminating point of my life, one of those epiphanies that changes everything that comes after. When I was 17, I vowed that I would always put my hand up in support of God, no matter what it cost me. When I was 20, I told Jesus that He was my Lord, not just my Savior. Now I am 23, and I think I understand what singlehood means. It is not being alone. It is the amazing opportunity to be married to God. Like a nun, a temporary nun.
The fact I haven't wanted to accept for years is this: I have work to do on my own for a while. That's the way God made me. I can do so many things all at once. It is time just to let them all out. It is like a very tall woman unconsciously stooping because she is embarrassed that God made her so tall. She can't help it. Neither can I. Why handicap myself?
I have a full-time job now, and I plan to be involved in movie projects and graduate work as well. This coming year, God willing, I will take two history classes at PHC each semester and finish up my History major. So for three years at least, I will be very, very busy. I mustn't get distracted.
But I know I am prone to distraction, particularly emotional distraction. So I must plan ahead of time and protect myself in ways that people who do not have this problem don't have to do. Kind of like a recovering alcoholic.
This is what I think it means to be married to God for this time:
- I will not flirt with any man or hold excessively long conversations with only him.
- Nor will I cheat on God by indulging mental fantasies of any sort, no matter how harmless they seem.
- I will strive to use all my energies in His service.
- I will embark on a regimen of discipline - body, mind, and soul - to make myself more pleasing to Him.
- I will speak to Him daily in prayer and listen to His replies in His Word.
Extra measures I will have to take:
- I will make friends with only girls and keep guys at the acquaintance level, with the exception of those few I already know are "safe" for me.
- I will refrain from dancing during this season.
- I will try to anticipate empty blocks of time and prepare for them with volunteer work or scheduled activities.
I know that I will find every one of these resolutions difficult. At times, some will be tested to the utmost, and I will question their validity. But this is where I start. I think it is the first step to really enjoying life.
The fact I haven't wanted to accept for years is this: I have work to do on my own for a while. That's the way God made me. I can do so many things all at once. It is time just to let them all out. It is like a very tall woman unconsciously stooping because she is embarrassed that God made her so tall. She can't help it. Neither can I. Why handicap myself?
I have a full-time job now, and I plan to be involved in movie projects and graduate work as well. This coming year, God willing, I will take two history classes at PHC each semester and finish up my History major. So for three years at least, I will be very, very busy. I mustn't get distracted.
But I know I am prone to distraction, particularly emotional distraction. So I must plan ahead of time and protect myself in ways that people who do not have this problem don't have to do. Kind of like a recovering alcoholic.
This is what I think it means to be married to God for this time:
- I will not flirt with any man or hold excessively long conversations with only him.
- Nor will I cheat on God by indulging mental fantasies of any sort, no matter how harmless they seem.
- I will strive to use all my energies in His service.
- I will embark on a regimen of discipline - body, mind, and soul - to make myself more pleasing to Him.
- I will speak to Him daily in prayer and listen to His replies in His Word.
Extra measures I will have to take:
- I will make friends with only girls and keep guys at the acquaintance level, with the exception of those few I already know are "safe" for me.
- I will refrain from dancing during this season.
- I will try to anticipate empty blocks of time and prepare for them with volunteer work or scheduled activities.
I know that I will find every one of these resolutions difficult. At times, some will be tested to the utmost, and I will question their validity. But this is where I start. I think it is the first step to really enjoying life.
Comments:
I think this shows that you are developing some wisdom. Just don't forget that you will fail to achieve your goals unless God does it.
I'm probably the biggest fan of the monastic life in your circle of friends and acquaintances (maybe not, but right up there, anyhow)... but I have to admit a theological objection to the idea of an individual being "married" to God. The prophets speak frequently of Israel as God's beloved. The apostle Paul writes of Christ's Bride: the Church. Not individual Christians. So far as I can recall, Scripture never uses that image of individual Christians.
You can (and should) be wholly devoted to God. You may be called to give up marriage for the sake of the Kingdom. But you're a member of the Bride of Christ -- united with the rest of His Body.
Sorry, one of my theological peeves at the moment....
Listening to God and learning things is good. :-)
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You can (and should) be wholly devoted to God. You may be called to give up marriage for the sake of the Kingdom. But you're a member of the Bride of Christ -- united with the rest of His Body.
Sorry, one of my theological peeves at the moment....
Listening to God and learning things is good. :-)
