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Life of Pride
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
 
I don't even know if anyone's reading this, but it makes me happy to write it, so I shall continue.

About happiness - I am learning that it is closely connected to contentment. And contentment is the opposite of control. This is because any 'control' in this life is only an illusion. I am not in control. God is. The more I learn to accept that, the better everything will be.

So. At this moment I am not merely waiting to hear about whether I have a job or not, and therefore whether or not I am heading back out to VA after all. I am living. This is a good life. I could deal. The one season is, effectively, over, and a new one is beginning. In this new season, I am not a College Kid. I am a Single. I am Eligible. I'm not sure I care to be eligible. I would like at some time to be settled and married happily with someone I love, but this whole thing about being Available is kinda intimidating. 'Cause I'm not, really. I just look like it. I'm not looking for it. I'm too confused, and I don't trust my judgment any more. Nor do I trust most guys in this world nowadays.

It's that control problem again, isn't it? Lucky for me I gave the responsibility for the starting of romance to my dad. He can provide a welcome barrier between me and the world. Not that I have a horde of guys pursuing me, either. I guess I've had my shields up. The time wasn't right. Is it correct now? I don't presume to say. I think I would take considerable convincing. God knows.
  7:47 AM
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Why blog? Everyone's doing it. Normally that would be enough to keep me far, far away, but the concept is too cool. Spread your personal thoughts to the world - far better than talking, because you can say anything, and you don't need the courage to look someone in the eye. So, with these reasons in mind, I have embarked. Enjoy, or not, as the case may be. I know I will.

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