Life of Pride
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The uncertainty drags on and on... Why oh why did I have to go and pray to learn patience this semester? I still don't know about the job here at PHC. I don't know for sure where I'll work if I don't get this job. My parents are pressuring me heavily about my one grad school acceptance still, even though it just doesn't seem right to me. It just doesn't, and it never has! I think I'm supposed to be staying out here in VA to work on movie stuff, but all of that is new and uncertain. What if I am wrong? What if I am misinterpreting what I am supposed to do, because it is influenced by my desires? Oh, God! I thought this would all be resolved by the end of March, but now it is the middle of April. How much longer?
Sometimes it stabs me like a needle of sorrow through my stomach and heart. I just want to clutch my middle, curl up in a little ball, and cry. Sometimes I do. I am really not very strong at all.
I do trust God that all this will work out, that I will look back at this time with nostalgia and understand what it all meant. If I have made mistakes, I will shake my head at myself. If somehow I chose correctly, I will praise God in awe and wonder.
Oh, God, I just wish my parents would support me and help me. Why do I have to be alone in this? It is scary enough, but they don't think I can do it. They have judged that my screenplay writing is worthless and juvenile, and they have never read it, nor do they care to. Why can't they trust me?
Oh Lord, when will it all make sense?
Sometimes it stabs me like a needle of sorrow through my stomach and heart. I just want to clutch my middle, curl up in a little ball, and cry. Sometimes I do. I am really not very strong at all.
I do trust God that all this will work out, that I will look back at this time with nostalgia and understand what it all meant. If I have made mistakes, I will shake my head at myself. If somehow I chose correctly, I will praise God in awe and wonder.
Oh, God, I just wish my parents would support me and help me. Why do I have to be alone in this? It is scary enough, but they don't think I can do it. They have judged that my screenplay writing is worthless and juvenile, and they have never read it, nor do they care to. Why can't they trust me?
Oh Lord, when will it all make sense?
Comments:
sarah--sorry about all the uncertainty & stuff. i'll be praying for you.
also, for whatever it's worth: i love your writing, and if you *don't* pursue it, i'll be (selfishly) disappointed--i want the chance to read (or watch!) more of your stories.
also, for whatever it's worth: i love your writing, and if you *don't* pursue it, i'll be (selfishly) disappointed--i want the chance to read (or watch!) more of your stories.
Sarah, I've no doubt that you could make good movies. Maybe your screenwriting skills aren't perfect, but nobody starts at perfection. It's the wanting that's important. God made you a certain way - with certain desires - so that you could be you, not for you to be unhappy being someone else.
Whatever you decide, I'm behind you. If you need any help getting there, I'd be more than happy to assist.
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Whatever you decide, I'm behind you. If you need any help getting there, I'd be more than happy to assist.
