Life of Pride
Saturday, January 06, 2007
The best way to make time pass quickly? Find a useful project or two to do. I can't believe I've been at home for break more than three weeks already, nor that I'm driving back in less than nine days. I've been so busy - sleeping, being sick, reading, watching movies, hanging out with sibs, writing, applying to grad schools... I haven't hardly had time to miss my school friends.
Previous breaks I almost went crazy with missing people. Not so this time. I wonder why that is? Perhaps it is because of my eight months at home last year helping my mom. They were so painful. I don't have words to describe the hole in my heart; I would lie in our backyard on the grass, looking up at the stars, and almost writhe with the pain of loneliness. Then I asked for God to fill the hole, and He did. I told the EdenTroupe folks at the start of the fall semester that my favorite reason for being a Christian was that, "I can be content either in a crowd or alone, because Jesus loves me." That is true, and the eight months at home are the reason why.
Similarly, I don't need the idea of romance any more. It has pained me for several years, because I held it as an idol. Now I've let it go. Someday I want very much to be married. But I do not think my desire for marriage compels God to give it to me, nor do I think that my attraction for any man compels him to like me. I have absolutely no control over the situation, and I have things God wants me to do. If romantic love comes, it will be a gift, but I will not abandon myself to waiting.
Previous breaks I almost went crazy with missing people. Not so this time. I wonder why that is? Perhaps it is because of my eight months at home last year helping my mom. They were so painful. I don't have words to describe the hole in my heart; I would lie in our backyard on the grass, looking up at the stars, and almost writhe with the pain of loneliness. Then I asked for God to fill the hole, and He did. I told the EdenTroupe folks at the start of the fall semester that my favorite reason for being a Christian was that, "I can be content either in a crowd or alone, because Jesus loves me." That is true, and the eight months at home are the reason why.
Similarly, I don't need the idea of romance any more. It has pained me for several years, because I held it as an idol. Now I've let it go. Someday I want very much to be married. But I do not think my desire for marriage compels God to give it to me, nor do I think that my attraction for any man compels him to like me. I have absolutely no control over the situation, and I have things God wants me to do. If romantic love comes, it will be a gift, but I will not abandon myself to waiting.
Comments:
Good girl. I am sensible enough to entirely agree with what you're writing and not yet sensible enough to share the same feelings myself :).
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