Family time, Rocky Balboa, and greatness
This evening my family went all together in a pack to see Rocky VI in the movie theater. We are not a cool collective. Many of us dress in sweatpants and t-shirts, even when going to the movies. Some are tall and lanky; some are rather on the heavy side; some (me) lie in between. We wear glasses. And all the way to the theater in our blue, 15-passenger van we were vigorously arguing the merits of various Survivor seasons. It went like this:
Frank: "Ozzy and Yul are the best. Yul especially. I like the last episode where he -"
Me *covering ears*: "Stop, stop! I've only seen up to episode four so far. I don't want to know how it ends!"
Mom: "All right, let's not talk about Survivor any more."
*temporary halt, and then a little later*
Me: "But my favorite is season 10, with Tom the fire chief. I especially respect what happens in the last episode before the final 2, when -"
Chorus of voices: "We haven't seen season 10!"
Mom: "Let's not talk about Survivor any more. We don't want to spoil it for anybody."

So no, we are not cool as a group. This used to bother me, until I realized how envious other teens truly were of us. We are together, and we love each other. Even my oldest brother, Ted, who had double pneumonia when he was 14, is still alive. I am so grateful to God for this. He has taught me in the last two years, through various means, that love is appreciating people how they are, not how I would like them to be.

I enjoyed Rocky VI very much. One of the most powerful moments is when Rocky tells his son (I paraphrase very roughly): "Life is brutal. Life will hit you harder than any person ever can. Success comes when you push on anyway." Sheer strength... or guts? I'll take guts any day, thank you very much.

The movie is also about knowing who you are and pursuing that without fear. Well, I'm a child of God, and I believe he made me to be a writer. Four years ago I stepped out on that belief and started a biweekly writing group with six other young women. We dedicated it to God with fear and trembling, because few of us had ever finished a story. Still, I never doubted that I could. I never doubted that I would. Now I have finished many stories - well over 150 pages of fiction. And now I doubt. I have a small measure of my own capabilities, and I have learned more of the world's literary history. I don't yet measure up. So there's a fear and a holding back that wasn't there before when I was blissfully ignorant. Do I toss myself 100% into writing and let myself fail at riskier stuff for a while so that I can learn? Or do I continue with "safer" stories that I know I can execute?

I'll know better once I have finished refueling my story this break through movies and books.  ¶ 8:54 PM