I forgot until the middle of church service this morning that I was supposed to write a paper for Drama class yesterday and email it out last night. Then we had a lunch with nice people from church who have been planning it for weeks, so I could not possibly skip it. At 3:00 I had to drive in to Leesburg again for a fitting for my nice Chorale dress. Back on campus by 4:30; enough time for a twenty-minute nap before dinner. Then I rode out to Leesburg again at 5:30 because I teach Sunday school for 3- to 5-year-olds on Sunday evenings. We were back by 8:00; at last, I quickly located an article with which to interact for my trialogue. Then I went to evening worship. I am going to start writing my paper now, at 9:30. But all will be well. I know it. God is blessing me.

Breaking, cracking,
Bursting, crashing
On the floor in pieces.
Lord, lift my head.  ¶ 6:28 PM (2) comments

  I always seem to be typing my blog posts lately in class. This time I am in Economics. Class goes very slowly; I am almost always doing something else. Today I checked my email up to date and maintained records for which EdenTroupe members want/get free tickets this semester. Then I looked at my online banking info. Now, for the last half-hour, I have my blog to sustain me in a wakeful state.

Less than two weeks now until the first play performance. Still many administrative details to pin down. I am very tired, but I would rather be helping Christy on this play than doing anything else this semester. Nevertheless, I am not altogether happy, for many reasons. Is it all right to be content with the way things are and yet to be unhappy sometimes? I think so. Joy and happiness are not the same.

Honesty and openness also have their limits. Why must people be so complicated?

In other random notes, I think I would love to do this Master's program. At any rate, I am applying to it along with my more normal Ph.D. program in American history. You know, I don't want to spend four more years earning a Ph.D. in American history. I want to write books. And I would like to have a family some time. But if that's what God wants me to do, I will do it. I just don't know at this point. I don't know anything. I know absolutely nothing about my future. :P

Oh well.  ¶ 8:23 AM (0) comments

  This seems to be the pattern of my life at school: Several weeks of intense, killing effort, followed by a bout of sickness in which I sleep almost non-stop for a few days. Yes; I am sick again, for the second time in less than a month. That's midterms for you. Thank God I have only one more set of midterms remaining before I graduate!

Speaking of which, I have almost finished my UVA grad-school application. I just need to write the "academic aspirations" two-page thingie. Then I need to check out the applications for the other two grad schools I am applying to, so that I can get address info for the folks who are mailing recommendation letters for me and for the registrar to send out my transcripts. I think this is possible.

The play is in two and a half weeks. Scary. Definitely scary. Yesterday in rehearsal, all three principles were still using scripts. Cyrano was almost entirely on-script. What are we gonna do? Pray. :D On the administrative side of things, there's also plenty to do.

I also still have all six credits of independent work, practically untouched. That frightens me a little bit. I do trust it will get done somehow. I have Thanksgiving break to work on it, God willing.

Well. I have reading to do; what a surprise. I should work on it.  ¶ 1:29 PM (1) comments

  I want to write a story. I mean, an excellent story, of historic merit. But that will take work. I don't have any story right now. So it's gonna have to wait.

In other random musings, I find it very annoying when I announce in panic that I have only an hour to study for a midterm, and the only response I get is, "Oh, you're brilliant. You'll be fine." It doesn't work that way, people! Just because a person has worked hard and done OK in the past by God's amazing grace doesn't mean that it will happen instantly in the future. *frown*  ¶ 5:23 PM (3) comments

  I am typing this post in History of Islam class. It is very bad of me, but if I don't post (and drink my mint-tea-double-hot-chocolate) I will most likely fall asleep. It has been an odd day from start to finish, utterly full. I didn't make it into Student Senate, but all is well. I sort of knew that would happen. I think my time in Student Senate is past. I was needed during all those years of conflict; now I am obsolete. I think this is completely true. I have other responsibilities now.

I have a few ends to tie up. Honor Code. Student government website. But these are both the duties of commissions, which may be inhabited by members who are not actually student senators. My Honor Code Commission duties may actually conflict with the senate.

I felt my defeat on Sunday evening when, after teaching Sunday school, a freak migraine rendered me utterly incapable of movement or even of keeping my eyes open. I had been planning to campaign through all the women's dorms. Due to my migraine I only made it through D3 before 10:30pm. As I lay in my bed in the dark with eyes closed, I asked God, "Why?" I felt then that He was answering that He didn't want me to make it into Student Senate. I don't understand yet, but I know I will. I did all I could; I didn't make it. The answer is clear. My time can be spent elsewhere than in argument.  ¶ 5:42 PM (0) comments

  I am not a good person. I already knew that, but tonight I had the opportunity to see the same old stubborn weeds - still alive and well, despite my efforts. I don't deserve God's love or anyone's love, yet I experience both daily.

I am not responsible for other people's sin. I am responsible for my reaction to that sin. I see how I have failed. Other people might not see. They might think I am exaggerating. But I see how I have made other people feel bad because I was thinking of myself and what I "needed." I am a bad person because I have hurt others.

I am sorry.  ¶ 6:33 PM (0) comments

  This is one of those weeks in which things slip through the cracks. I forget them until I find them later, dusty and misused. I fail my friends in many little ways, by not noticing when something they said was truly important to them, by missing phone calls... I'm so fallible. This is the sort of week that renders that knowledge unavoidable. I am so grateful for God's incomparable grace in loving me anyway.  ¶ 10:22 AM (0) comments