Taking Stock

Summer is upon us, and I find it almost impossible to be anything else but happy. The next few years look to be a blast! Admittedly, I know very little of the true shape of them. All I catch are glimmers, but they are enough to enchant me with their opportunities. I live a blessed life.

Summer ho! I have six credits of Lit practicum - four of short stories and two of a critical paper. I don't really want to write a 20-page lit paper, which is why I'm doing it. I know; that logic doesn't quite work. But I'm doing it because I ought to, not because I love the idea. I shouldn't do all my Lit practicum as fiction just because it comes more easily to me.

My sister asked me earnestly, "Don't you get a rest?" I told her, "This is a rest. I'm earning college credit for writing stories!" That's how I feel. I've written quite a few pages of stories already, after all, and I have several more in progress. That part should hardly be painful. For my critical paper I am doing something with a few authors from America's "Lost Generation" that blossomed post-WWI. I am purposefully anchoring the paper into a historical theme, the same way I consciously implemented literary analysis techniques throughout my history thesis. I am not just a History major and a Literature major, after all, but a History-Literature major.

Besides these, I want to learn so many other things. I want to drink in the world! I can't remember the last time I felt like this - before junior year, perhaps? What a change the last five months have made! I arrived home for Christmas passive, drained, and depressed. I had no desires. But God brought me through.

So I am taking stock. By the time I finished my history thesis I was in survival mode only and had lost all my good habits. Now it is time to reinstitute them.

I think Tae Kwon Do will have to wait for a later age. As painful as it is to separate from a childhood love, my dojang is too sport- and youth-oriented. I want to learn martial arts to defend myself and to control my body, not to participate in tournaments. Besides, it costs $75/month, and a class eats up my entire evening.

My only scheduled activities will therefore be summer Frisbee league on Monday evenings and juggling club on Wednesdays. This will give me flexibility in my schedule to swim and do weights.

I also want to spend at least two hours a day in God time - praying, reading Bible, studying devotional books, etc. While I am single I have the incredible blessing of being able to devote myself to God. Why not take advantage of it?

I'll still be working 9-5, so that should about finish my schedule right there. I would like to do so many things, but I have dragged myself down many times by planning to do too much and then feeling like a failure because I accomplished only half of it.

It almost scares me how fast this summer will fly by. And then I am very optimistic for PHC in the fall. I can't wait, in fact. I haven't been this excited since freshman year. Probably it is because I have very little to lose at this point, and because it will be a grand adventure. I'll be rooming with random roommates in a random wing. The college itself will be different, and I think it will be exciting to be part of its healing process.

I think I most anticipate being at PHC as me. What am I? I am a writer! I like excellent science fiction, and sometimes I write odd stories. Most often I consciously write in allegory, crafting two or more layers at once. In personality, I am sometimes silly and fun-loving but more often serious. I live with a purpose - to please God and to serve others. I am never bored enough to play merely to amuse myself. I want to see how my life affects the world for good, even if I am the only one who ever notices.

I want to be an excellent writer. I want this more than anything else because there is so much to say. Lord, give me the words!  ¶ 3:44 PM