On Discipline

It may come as a surprise to some of you to hear that I lack discipline. I know that I was surprised to note this in myself yesterday when I tried to figure out how to spend my evening. I find myself in the same dilemma now. The problem is not that I don't want to do anything. The problem is that I want to do too many things. For example, various entertaining and/or useful ways I could spend my evening include:

- Reading Bible
- Exercising methodically and scientifically at the gym again (I went yesternight)
- Playing tennis with my mom
- Writing more of one of my stories
- Watching the second half of Mansfield Park
- Reading a Walt Morey book
- Playing tinwhistle
- Scanning a few of my photos from graduation and posting them to my blog
- Going for a walk
- Calling Christy
- Writing snail mail
- Replying to emails
- Going to the library to pick up books for lit project
- Investigating more to find a mentor for lit project
- Practicing my juggling

Right now I haven't the slightest idea what to do. A number of these should get done at some point for sure. The problem is that all the things I ought to do I don't want to do. This is where my lack of discipline surfaces. Usually I approach my summer by starting a new notebook and writing down goals. Usually, these include losing weight. The problem is that I know I'll be back at school in three months. Even if I get into great physical shape, my body will deteriorate at PHC unless I find some way to keep myself accountable. I've started every school year so far with great intentions and lost them all as the fall semester progressed and became busier. Similarly with writing letters and emails. I've fallen out of contact with people so many times that it almost seems doomed to failure.

I think I am scared to risk setting goals for fear of not achieving them. That is ridiculous! *slaps self in head* So what if it hurts more to exercise right now and I can hardly do anything? So what if I haven't written fiction for weeks? Good grief, I'm 22 years old! Lots of life ahead.

So I'm going to set some summer goals publicly. Some of these will mean nothing to many of you. At some you will smile. That's all right. You may.

(1) I will reread at least the New Testament and Isaiah and Jeremiah.
(2) I will be able to run at least a mile again and to do at least 35 pushups at one time.
(3) I will finish my summer practicum in a timely fashion.
(4) I will write at least four nice, long personal emails or letters each week.
(5) I will complete at least 100 catches with my 5-ball cascade, will learn how to do a lefthand shower with three balls, and will learn how to juggle four clubs.
(6) I will do something fun with my little siblings every week.
(7) I will practice tinwhistle at least one evening a week.
(8) I will lose ten pounds of fat.

I feel better now. That should get me going. Thank you for putting up with me.  ¶ 3:48 PM