My words are back. When they're gone, I can feel it. Ideas build up in unformulated masses in my head, and I have nowhere to put them. It is a constant pressure, a feeling that something is not right. I haven't exercised my linguistic muscle as much as usual during the past several months. I wrote 2800 words of Erthe, 1700 words on a strange science fiction story, and 2500 words of another, complete story. Besides this, I make these blog posts all the time, and I also write in my hard copy journal. But, except for the completed story, I haven't felt the spark. The process was a necessity for my well-being, but it wasn't beautiful. More importantly, it wasn't hard. My hard and complicated thoughts have gone unspoken and unwritten. Last Thursday, the stress of this hit me. I felt that there was no way I could possibly write my history project. 80-100 pages? Who was I kidding?

Thursday evening God and I had a long talk. I begged Him to give me the words. I told Him I would trust Him to do so. I also asked for renewed joy and peace. These latter He gave so quickly that I knew the words would follow.

They have. All last week, I was writing reviews of homeschool products. I completed another 5500 words or so of these. At first, it was very slow. I would read a book and think about it, but the connection between my thoughts and their expression was clogged. I had to consciously push the barriers aside and ask myself, "What am I thinking, and why?" It was like searching for a pulse in my wrist.

Somewhere in the center of me, my soul sits. When I am writing well, I sense it and I know it is satisfied. It isn't a feeling, or at least not a feeling alone. It is a combination of all factors, from logical completion to unique artistic voice. I know it when I find it in others' writing, and my life's goal is to reproduce it in my own. So the last week, when I was working for my mom, God was thawing the passageways to my soul so that my words could flow through without freezing.

I felt this last night in Borders as I began to write an essay for The Nation's contest. The contest essay is supposed to be about the greatest issue my generation faces. I chose education, and I asked God for the words. Thoughts began to flow, and I started writing. I probably will not keep most of what I wrote last night, which is normal for me on the first draft of complex essays. But the important fact is that it was sheer joy even to try to write out some of what I've been thinking about education. I have to formulate these very same thoughts coherently for my history project!

So you see, God is working me up to being able to put my project into words, and He was doing so even before I begged Him for help on my stressful Thursday! I trust Him. Even more than that, I am looking forward to writing my project! It will be such a relief to me when the pages start filling.

Before I close...
Distance run last night: 1.1 mi.
Time for mile: Somewhere around 9:30? I didn't time, but it was much faster than last week all through, and I sprinted the last lap.
Could I have done more? Unlikely. After I sprinted the last lap of the mile, it was all I could do to jog one more lap before I had to walk.  ¶ 7:27 AM