When I finally turned in my annotated bibliography at 5:50pm yesterday evening, just before getting ready for TKD class, it contained 55 sources. That's a lot. I've been sitting down here in my chilly basement chair, working on this thing from Wednesday to Saturday, and then again on Monday. On some of those days, I'd be so deeply into plodding through some particular problem that I'd keep going until 8pm without stop. 11 hours of largely sitting in one spot can be more tiring than one would think. But God has been with me, and He is good.

This experience has given me a few observations on life. First, miracles have not stopped. Example: I'm almost late for an appointment, and my contact just won't go into my eye. At last, I pray: God, help me! And it goes in. Example: I am terrified about an activity, and so I pray for courage and joy. I don't think about it again until I'm driving home, at which point I realize that I had a wonderful evening. Example: I start praying for my family, and I watch them become more patient and loving every day. Example: I pray for God to guide me in my research, because I am terrified of this project. Now I feel like I could fudge this thing at this very moment if I was forced to do so.
These are all miracles. If I'd continued on as the natural me without praying, my fears would have kept me from my best. God answers prayer. I see that every day around me, now I'm looking for it. Do you know what that means? If He answers prayer, that means that He is here, right now, listening to me when I pray! He is here, watching me type this. I'm beginning to perceive His presence - not as some weird, spiritual thing, but as a deep knowledge.

Second, and far less deep, is my realization that I would never, ever want to be on a reality TV show. Those producers twist Christians into caricatures whenever they have them in their clutches. It's so easy to do, because all they have to do is edit the footage in a certain way. Arrgh! I am still frustrated about some of the shows I have seen since I began my research.

Third, I would rather be home right now than anywhere else. I've gone through stages. At first, it was blind obedience, misery, and whining (I know this is right, but it feels like my life is elsewhere). Then life became tolerable (Thank you, Lord, for helping me get through this). Now, I'm learning so much, and I couldn't do it anywhere else (Oh, God, you knew what was best all along, and you wanted me to be happy, to grow, to learn how to love you, my family, others, and ultimately, myself!). Isn't that just like anything new? It is painful and terrifying at first, but then it gives you joy that you can store away for life. I'm quite sure that I won't be the same person who left PHC when I return in August for my final year.  ¶ 8:38 AM