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Life of Pride
Monday, January 23, 2006
 
You know what I like? Letters and emails and calls from my friends. They make me happy. Also, not being tired. I find that makes the whole day look better. I was not tired on Friday through Sunday, and I was practically giddy, I was so happy. That, and lying in the grass for an hour on Friday and Saturday, looking up at the sky and talking to God. Today I'm tired again, probably because I didn't give myself enough sleep. Silly me. But I'm still at least moderately happy.

Of course, through all this I still have a people-size hole. Since classes started at PHC again this past Wed., the number of ASEs has picked up. I receive them, of course, so I can gather little tidbits of PHC life here and there. But not enough. Most people don't know just how much information I'm gathering when I'm in an area with people. If I'm in "wide-receiver" mode, I'm bringing in teensy tiny little clues about everyone from every direction, and my brain instantly collects all these and tells me what is going on with everyone and everything. I used to think such knowledge was normal, until I realized when I was driving that my siblings quite often announced the information on road signs or noticed something two seconds after I had consciously or subconsciously recorded it and moved on. I paid items of note so little visible attention that they assumed I had not seen them. In reality, I took it for granted that everyone else had seen things, so it didn't occur to me to offend their intelligence by pointing them out.

So when I'm at PHC, I pretty much know what's going on there (though of course, some things evade my analysis). Right now, I don't. It's hard to gauge a day's temperature without going outside, after all. And the things I most want to know, I can't really ask about, because I have to analyze them for myself. My brain is constantly feeling around in the direction of PHC, but it can't sense anything. I'm blind.

In short, PHC people, post to your blogs! And give news! Trivial bits of things, human info, anecdotes. I want to know!

Meanwhile, don't think I'm pining away. I found a church that looks to be very fulfilling, though I miss Loudoun Baptist Temple in VA dreadfully. This church has a fairly good choir, which I am joining. That ought to ease two of my largest pangs of college separation - church and Chorale. Nothing can soothe some of the other, larger pains, however - missing the people. Some days it feels like an unbridgeable hole in my heart. Don't get me wrong; I'm usually pretty happy. But I'm still living with an open wound. :) That's ok. It would happen at some time, no matter what. Perhaps time will heal it.
 
Comments:
Well, like I said, my general mood is still happy. I am sorry if you are down, though, Wes. :( I know how that can be.
 
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Why blog? Everyone's doing it. Normally that would be enough to keep me far, far away, but the concept is too cool. Spread your personal thoughts to the world - far better than talking, because you can say anything, and you don't need the courage to look someone in the eye. So, with these reasons in mind, I have embarked. Enjoy, or not, as the case may be. I know I will.

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