"Here we are, just us, on the raggedy edge." This quote, or something like it, comes from a movie called Serenity. The crew of a decrepit spaceship holds on by its fingernails, skirting the edges of a universe ruled by law that is cold, hard, and unjust. This is how I feel today. The weather's icy wind has blown in trouble for PHC. Some students have broken the rule against alcohol drinking. Not many people are talking about it, except to pass over it with a hurried indirect reference. The campus as a collective is stewing the matter over in its mind. Something is brewing. Those who have broken this rule or similar ones - or think they may be under suspect, whether they have done anything wrong or not - are feeling defensive. On the opposite end of the spectrum, some of us are self-righteous. Myself, I'm just sad. Things could be so clean, so beautiful, so perfect - if people didn't mess them up. We all mess up, all the time, and there's no escaping it altogether. Yet the perfection calls us, and we see it's there somewhere. Somewhere out of reach.

I want perfection so much that I am scared to make mistakes. We Christians are really in a desperate situation most of the time. I've been reading through Isaiah and Jeremiah in huge doses for the last few weeks, for at least an hour a day. Over and over again, those prophets warned their people to repent, or God would cause them to be taken away into captivity. Israel and Judah never repented, and so they were indeed taken away. And it all began with Solomon, when Israel was at its very height. He and his foreign wives brought in worship of false gods, carrying their nation with them. It is true; any high point of a people is really the start of their downhill slide. The more I learn, the more it seems the United States has begun its slide. Our country is becoming more and more decadent. The only thing that's saving us is that we're still the best out there. We had better watch out, though, because the Babylonians were much worse than the Israelites, and yet God used them to carry the Israelites away.

My college wants to lead the nation and shape the culture. And yet we are children who pit ourselves against the leaders who began this dream. We are just foolish, all of us, in one way or another. Can we stop being foolish? It is doubtful, because we are fallen human beings. God can do anything, but He does not have to.

So you could say I am both optimistic and pessimistic. I am optimistic that God can use anyone at their highest potential if they want to be used. I am pessimistic that people will let themselves be used that way. I hope that God will turn my country around. I fear that He will let it fall for the sake of His overall plan.

These are my troubled, disjointed thoughts for the day. Chances are they are fueled by tiredness and general emotional turmoil, not only by current events. But I feel an essay birthing in my mind.  ¶ 11:07 AM