Where are the words? I haven't posted here for quite some time, now have I? I haven't let myself, because I've been in a crunch at school. What am I saying? PHC
is a crunch.
This Saturday morning, midterms are over at last. I have only papers to write until finals arrive. Those won't be that long now - only a month and a half. Two and a half months of this semester have passed already. So many beautiful things have happened. At the same time, I feel my soul growing more deeply sad and weighty. I feel the sadness that is also joy, the complicated sensation that forces tears when I hear or see something glorious.
Why me, oh Lord? Why did you choose to save
me? So many people don't understand the world and its peace. Why do you bring me along this path? Every time I see beauty and feel it down in the deepest part of my soul, I know there are thousands more out there who won't be able to understand it the same way I do without help.
This is why I
have to write. I have no other option. It's what I was made to do, the method I use to communicate truth. If I don't write, nobody else can understand what's happening deep inside of me, and what can happen deep inside of them. I have to do this, because nobody else can fill my function. It must be me.
I pray to God for the words every day. I can use any words at all, and they will speak to people if God puts in the meaning. Or I can use the most beautiful of language, and it will say nothing. The power comes from God alone.