Life of Pride
Saturday, August 27, 2005
As I sit in the Brew Mountain coffee shop near PHC, enjoying an iced berry green tea and free wireless Internet, I have a moment to reflect and post. Ostensibly, the purpose of this off-campus trip is to study. All in good time; I am too peaceful, and I haven't posted to my blog in too long.
I have a car. I have my own laptop. I can go off-campus for Tae Kwon Do lessons. God has given me so many gifts this semester, so many things I longed for the previous three years. I was reflecting this morning that I don't think I would have used them properly if I'd had them then. I wouldn't have known whom to thank. Even now, I hold these things lightly. My happiness does not depend on what I possess, no matter how pleasant it is.
Last night Lisa, Joanna, Deborah, Brittainy, Helen, and I met for the first Smudge meeting of the semester. Smudge is our writing group, and at the end of this semester we will have been meeting for three years. It has been a happy time of committment, friendship, and writing. The idea is that every two weeks we gather together, and all members must have something to bring, no matter how little. Sometimes after a break, like now, I will bring pages and pages. Sometimes I will bring only a few paragraphs. Still, the committment always keeps me thinking about my projects and where they are going. This meeting, we rededicated ourselves, discussed summer progress and fall plans, and critiqued each other's work. I brought ten pages of Erthe. I didn't want to drop all 19 on my fellow members in a single meeting. :) I was delighted to find that they thought it was excellent! Even better, they gave me helpful suggestions for improvement. God is good.
I get to write a story this weekend, based off of something in Gawain and the Green Knight. That means that now I should finish this post and read the actual work of literature. :)
I have a car. I have my own laptop. I can go off-campus for Tae Kwon Do lessons. God has given me so many gifts this semester, so many things I longed for the previous three years. I was reflecting this morning that I don't think I would have used them properly if I'd had them then. I wouldn't have known whom to thank. Even now, I hold these things lightly. My happiness does not depend on what I possess, no matter how pleasant it is.
Last night Lisa, Joanna, Deborah, Brittainy, Helen, and I met for the first Smudge meeting of the semester. Smudge is our writing group, and at the end of this semester we will have been meeting for three years. It has been a happy time of committment, friendship, and writing. The idea is that every two weeks we gather together, and all members must have something to bring, no matter how little. Sometimes after a break, like now, I will bring pages and pages. Sometimes I will bring only a few paragraphs. Still, the committment always keeps me thinking about my projects and where they are going. This meeting, we rededicated ourselves, discussed summer progress and fall plans, and critiqued each other's work. I brought ten pages of Erthe. I didn't want to drop all 19 on my fellow members in a single meeting. :) I was delighted to find that they thought it was excellent! Even better, they gave me helpful suggestions for improvement. God is good.
I get to write a story this weekend, based off of something in Gawain and the Green Knight. That means that now I should finish this post and read the actual work of literature. :)
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
So busy. Almost too busy to think, and things are only getting started. I finished my fifth first class of the semester only a little while ago. I have one more syllabus to collect tonight, in Modern Middle East, and then I can start putting my assignments into my schedule. Seems like I will have many papers to write this semester, but the good thing is that my three lit classes assign creative papers. In other words, I can write fiction for assigned papers! It is more difficult in one way, because I need ideas, but it is easier in that it is so fun. I'm going to take advantage of as many creative options as possible.
Exercise and sleep. Jet lag is catching up with me and overcoming adrenaline. I had eight hours of sleep each of the past several nights, but I am sleepy even now. That is ok, though; fatigue is the college student's constant companion. No doubt I have less to complain about than many. I have managed to exercise so far, and I shall be able to keep it up so long as I finish my lit class readings before MWF afternoon classes.
That may be tough, however. In just a single one of my three lit classes we are reading the entire Norton Anthology of English Literature, 7th edition. It's about 2900 pages. The other two each have at least 7 books to read. None of my classes, in fact, are lightweight. Even my two core classes are upper-level core. And it seems I will have at least 12 papers to write, about 5-7 pages each.
This is not to complain, just to observe. I'm quite happy and peaceful despite this impressive lineup. I love my friends, and, as a senior, I have absolutely nothing to prove. I've been doing my long quiet times still, and I think that is the most important key. Prayer at morning and night, long sections of Bible in the middle of the day at some point. I must take special care to stay under God's protection this semester.
Exercise and sleep. Jet lag is catching up with me and overcoming adrenaline. I had eight hours of sleep each of the past several nights, but I am sleepy even now. That is ok, though; fatigue is the college student's constant companion. No doubt I have less to complain about than many. I have managed to exercise so far, and I shall be able to keep it up so long as I finish my lit class readings before MWF afternoon classes.
That may be tough, however. In just a single one of my three lit classes we are reading the entire Norton Anthology of English Literature, 7th edition. It's about 2900 pages. The other two each have at least 7 books to read. None of my classes, in fact, are lightweight. Even my two core classes are upper-level core. And it seems I will have at least 12 papers to write, about 5-7 pages each.
This is not to complain, just to observe. I'm quite happy and peaceful despite this impressive lineup. I love my friends, and, as a senior, I have absolutely nothing to prove. I've been doing my long quiet times still, and I think that is the most important key. Prayer at morning and night, long sections of Bible in the middle of the day at some point. I must take special care to stay under God's protection this semester.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I am safely at PHC. Have been for a few days now, in fact. We have four people in our room this semester, and the place is covered with boxes. My mind is therefore a little distracted, since I don't like things to be out of place. Emily H. and Maggie D. are unpacking slowly but surely, though, so the room is slowly achieving a state of normalcy. My computer, as y'all can see, is now set up for the student network, and I have borrowed Gabi's network cord until I can buy my own on Monday. Life is good... my heart is peaceful, but lonesome for my family. Why must some of the people I love always be in another part of the country?
I think I will feel more settled once classes start on Monday. I'm enjoying meeting the new freshmen, and they seem acceptable. :) I've played four Frisbee games over the last couple of days, which gives an excellent opportunity to learn names of new students. I think there are about 100 of them again, and this time 2/3 are guys. This means a lot of new Frisbee players. It also means a lot of Public Policy majors. It appears to be the dominant major, at least.
My feelings are unsettled, because I am again experiencing the sensation I felt at the beginning of summer: I feel old. Many of the new students are so young! I am a senior, and many of them are looking up to me and respecting me already, but all I want to do is help them learn. They are young and brash, and not ready yet for this hard but beautiful world we live in. I feel a deep, deep sadness and happiness at the same time, the unique mix of nostalgia. I pray that this will be my year of service, and I pray for joy.
I think I will feel more settled once classes start on Monday. I'm enjoying meeting the new freshmen, and they seem acceptable. :) I've played four Frisbee games over the last couple of days, which gives an excellent opportunity to learn names of new students. I think there are about 100 of them again, and this time 2/3 are guys. This means a lot of new Frisbee players. It also means a lot of Public Policy majors. It appears to be the dominant major, at least.
My feelings are unsettled, because I am again experiencing the sensation I felt at the beginning of summer: I feel old. Many of the new students are so young! I am a senior, and many of them are looking up to me and respecting me already, but all I want to do is help them learn. They are young and brash, and not ready yet for this hard but beautiful world we live in. I feel a deep, deep sadness and happiness at the same time, the unique mix of nostalgia. I pray that this will be my year of service, and I pray for joy.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
I'm enjoying myself. I visited Ashlea's 8am and 9am classes this morning, then went to Boyce chapel, ate lunch, toured around the college, and visited a 1pm class that Ashlea isn't taking, but which is taught by a favorite prof. The two classes in the morning were so-so, but the afternoon class was excellent! It was a Great Books class, and the teacher introduced his lecture by presenting a rap he had written when struck by inspiration in the shower. It sounds bizarre here. It was bizarre, but it was also clever and funny. And when the prof started lecturing, I started taking notes, because he was saying some good stuff - all about why it is important to study the great books. Apparently Boyce College students read a ton of theology and hardly ever pick up fiction for fun, which is a concept totally alien to me. He was trying to convince them why they ought to. Of course, I was convinced on that point from the start, but as a writer I appreciated very much his intelligent comments on why literature is appealing.
Then we came back to the apartment to nap, and Ashlea has some Greek homework. She is writing out the Greek alphabet over and over again. Ha! Something I already know! I feel a wee bit smug, though I have no right to, because I have forgotten most of my Greek vocab. :P
In an hour and a half or so, we will go out for some frozen custard and then go to Wednesday evening church. After that, it will already be time to go to bed, since I am arising at 5am tomorrow to make the rest of the journey to VA. It is difficult for me to believe that by this time tomorrow I will be, by God's grace, at my own college. I still have mixed feelings about this.
Then we came back to the apartment to nap, and Ashlea has some Greek homework. She is writing out the Greek alphabet over and over again. Ha! Something I already know! I feel a wee bit smug, though I have no right to, because I have forgotten most of my Greek vocab. :P
In an hour and a half or so, we will go out for some frozen custard and then go to Wednesday evening church. After that, it will already be time to go to bed, since I am arising at 5am tomorrow to make the rest of the journey to VA. It is difficult for me to believe that by this time tomorrow I will be, by God's grace, at my own college. I still have mixed feelings about this.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I have begun my crosscountry journey. Right now I am sitting in Ashlea D.'s apartment in Louisville. Her (and her apartment buddy, Amanda's) main living room area is painted an attractive green and white. I am hugging a small, red, furry cushion as I type on my new, tiny Averatec laptop. Before me on the low table lies the large book in which Ashlea, Gabi, and I picked out the palaces we will live in when we take over the world. Attractive mounted posters I remember from Ashlea's time with Gabi myself adorn the walls. This is a peaceful, nice, cushy apartment. I can't help but think I would very much enjoy having a place like this of my own.
Which reminds me, I actually gathered the courage before I left to tell my mom something that's been on my mind. For a year now, I've been wondering where I should go to grad. school and what I should study. My mom really wanted me to go, and I thought that it sounded like a good idea. But this summer, as I helped my little sisters and worked for my parents, I began to enjoy how simple and peaceful it all was. Life at PHC is neither simple nor peaceful. Would I want to give myself six more years of that? And for what? I am realizing how much I love to write, and I think I could do a good job at it. I have 37 single-spaced pages of Erthe now, albeit in terrible need of editing, and I know I can write the rest. I also would like to write a book about the history of homeschooling.
I love to write, and school seems to keep me from it. I told my mom, we should seriously consider as a possiblity that I might not go to grad school after all. That I might come back to MO, get myself an apartment near home, and work for them as editor for Practical Homeschooling while writing books. It wouldn't be very exciting, but it would be peaceful. I think a little peace might be nice for a year or so. I could always go to grad school when I am done writing the books that are on my mind.
This is not to say that I will for sure not be going to grad school. Boy oh boy does it take the stress off, however. My mom actually thought it was a good possibility to consider! :)
Which reminds me, I actually gathered the courage before I left to tell my mom something that's been on my mind. For a year now, I've been wondering where I should go to grad. school and what I should study. My mom really wanted me to go, and I thought that it sounded like a good idea. But this summer, as I helped my little sisters and worked for my parents, I began to enjoy how simple and peaceful it all was. Life at PHC is neither simple nor peaceful. Would I want to give myself six more years of that? And for what? I am realizing how much I love to write, and I think I could do a good job at it. I have 37 single-spaced pages of Erthe now, albeit in terrible need of editing, and I know I can write the rest. I also would like to write a book about the history of homeschooling.
I love to write, and school seems to keep me from it. I told my mom, we should seriously consider as a possiblity that I might not go to grad school after all. That I might come back to MO, get myself an apartment near home, and work for them as editor for Practical Homeschooling while writing books. It wouldn't be very exciting, but it would be peaceful. I think a little peace might be nice for a year or so. I could always go to grad school when I am done writing the books that are on my mind.
This is not to say that I will for sure not be going to grad school. Boy oh boy does it take the stress off, however. My mom actually thought it was a good possibility to consider! :)
Saturday, August 13, 2005
I've been wanting to update my sidebar with blog links for a while, so I finally did. I wanted to add Wes G. to my "Friends & Acquaintances" section, but it seems your blog, Wes, is no longer there...? If you still have a blog, post it to me in a comment, and I'll add it to my links.
Anyway, it is a lovely Saturday. Magda and I plan to go contra dancing later, because a group in the area is having one of its rare Saturday evening dances. Normally they're all on Sunday night, which precludes anyone in my family from going. I'm lookin' forward to it, because I haven't done any sort of dancing for what seems like a very long time.
For anyone who doesn't know about contra dancing, it is a mix of country line dancing and square dancing. I quite enjoy it, though it can get a bit old after you've done it numerous times, and you realize it's the same ten movements over and over again in various combinations. Still, when everyone gets it right, you feel as though you are a part of something lovely.
That's in the evening. I'm about to go swimming, and I have to write a difficult review of a Chinese history course from The Teaching Company. I was supposed to be watching it all summer, but I only got through the first quarter of it. I didn't have the 24 hours to spare to watch the entire thing. I have sufficient material on which to write, however, so long as I read the transcript booklets, because I hardly suspect the staid prof is going to go crazy in the last DVD.
Also this afternoon, I plan to write some more Erthe. I haven't written more of Susan's story since last Thursday, but that's excusable, because I've been a little busy. I only just realized that I haven't posted on here about my demonstration in TKD class on Monday that earned me the next step between 1st and 2nd Dan black belt! I shall have to describe that. :) Besides that, I've just been... busy... all week, but in a peaceful, satisfying sort of way, not frenetically.
Tomorrow after church, I'm going to be hanging out with my good friend Deborah Knickelbein, who has been researching in Kansas City for the story she's writing. We don't know exactly what we're gonna do, but I'm sure we'll find something. It's stinkin' hot outside, which may put a crimp on our/my plans to go to the St. Louis zoo, but there are always indoor options. Coldstone Creamery is a must, for one.
Monday, I pack. I'm sure that will be a nice blog post in itself, all my Monday preparations. And then Tuesday, I set off driving east. Wow. So this is what's up with me. I wish I had profound philosophical thoughts, but I don't. At least not for this post.
Anyway, it is a lovely Saturday. Magda and I plan to go contra dancing later, because a group in the area is having one of its rare Saturday evening dances. Normally they're all on Sunday night, which precludes anyone in my family from going. I'm lookin' forward to it, because I haven't done any sort of dancing for what seems like a very long time.
For anyone who doesn't know about contra dancing, it is a mix of country line dancing and square dancing. I quite enjoy it, though it can get a bit old after you've done it numerous times, and you realize it's the same ten movements over and over again in various combinations. Still, when everyone gets it right, you feel as though you are a part of something lovely.
That's in the evening. I'm about to go swimming, and I have to write a difficult review of a Chinese history course from The Teaching Company. I was supposed to be watching it all summer, but I only got through the first quarter of it. I didn't have the 24 hours to spare to watch the entire thing. I have sufficient material on which to write, however, so long as I read the transcript booklets, because I hardly suspect the staid prof is going to go crazy in the last DVD.
Also this afternoon, I plan to write some more Erthe. I haven't written more of Susan's story since last Thursday, but that's excusable, because I've been a little busy. I only just realized that I haven't posted on here about my demonstration in TKD class on Monday that earned me the next step between 1st and 2nd Dan black belt! I shall have to describe that. :) Besides that, I've just been... busy... all week, but in a peaceful, satisfying sort of way, not frenetically.
Tomorrow after church, I'm going to be hanging out with my good friend Deborah Knickelbein, who has been researching in Kansas City for the story she's writing. We don't know exactly what we're gonna do, but I'm sure we'll find something. It's stinkin' hot outside, which may put a crimp on our/my plans to go to the St. Louis zoo, but there are always indoor options. Coldstone Creamery is a must, for one.
Monday, I pack. I'm sure that will be a nice blog post in itself, all my Monday preparations. And then Tuesday, I set off driving east. Wow. So this is what's up with me. I wish I had profound philosophical thoughts, but I don't. At least not for this post.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Last night I used up my last summer longings for freedom. I skipped TKD class because I was slightly sick and didn't want to make myself worse by overexertion. Instead, I drove to the mall in order to go to Bath & Body Works and a sports store. I bought myself new, shiny, green & silver sneakers. I like them a lot! I can feel the spring as I walk, unlike with my old, run-down pair.
Then I drove to the movie theatre to use up the free movie ticket I had earned on my MVP movie value card. I wanted to see The Island, but the show was not until 10:20pm. I got my ticket, and then headed back up the road the theatre is on, through the little homey town that houses a number of my favorite stores (our equivalent, in appearance, to downtown Leesburg, though less pretty), and down, down, down, past the Headquarters branch of the St. Louis library, to the new Starbucks with the cushy chairs. I bought a green tea with lemonade, sat in one of the cushy chairs, and finished reading The Great Gatsby just in time to drive back the six miles or so to the movie theatre. :)
I liked The Island, though not enough to buy it for my own personal collection. It is a good story, but not a great story - not deep, like Gattaca. Acting was excellent. Action scenes, unfortunately, occasionally stretched the realm of the plausible, and undercut the "value of human life" theme displayed in the rest of the movie by causing explosions and crashes that undoubtedly killed many innocent bystanders. There were occasional "God-phrases" tossed in - one negative ("You know when you want something and you wish for it really hard? He's the guy who ignores you.") and two neutral or positive. The major thrust is evolutionary/humanist, with "human curiosity" and "human will to survive" being the most positive traits espoused. For this reason, the philosophical unity of the movie is disturbed. We care for these two very attractive and likable blond people and don't want them to be killed, but we're not given any solid reason for our natural feeling. The client's reaction to his clone thus seems just as logical and morally neutral as the clones' desire not to be "sent to the Island."
The main problem with this movie is that in getting as many things right as it does, it misses the point entirely. We in America are not dealing with a hypothetical future cloning issue. The future is now! There is no difference between the callousness displayed for clones in this movie and the current situation with abortion. The parallels were so obvious to me. Never once in the movie did they bring up the question: "At what point does the 'thing' in the artificial womb become a human life?" The clones are all unquestionably human, from beginning to end. In the scene where they slice open the sacs, everyone watching in the theatre knows the people on the screen are murdering.
If you watch the movie or have watched it, think of it all the way through with this parallel in mind. The clones are babies too, only in adult bodies. They are innocent and lost, in a world in which nobody gives them half a thought, except to kill them. Think of the babies even now tossed into dumpsters behind abortion clinics. Embryos, harvested for stem cells. The future is now.
Then I drove to the movie theatre to use up the free movie ticket I had earned on my MVP movie value card. I wanted to see The Island, but the show was not until 10:20pm. I got my ticket, and then headed back up the road the theatre is on, through the little homey town that houses a number of my favorite stores (our equivalent, in appearance, to downtown Leesburg, though less pretty), and down, down, down, past the Headquarters branch of the St. Louis library, to the new Starbucks with the cushy chairs. I bought a green tea with lemonade, sat in one of the cushy chairs, and finished reading The Great Gatsby just in time to drive back the six miles or so to the movie theatre. :)
I liked The Island, though not enough to buy it for my own personal collection. It is a good story, but not a great story - not deep, like Gattaca. Acting was excellent. Action scenes, unfortunately, occasionally stretched the realm of the plausible, and undercut the "value of human life" theme displayed in the rest of the movie by causing explosions and crashes that undoubtedly killed many innocent bystanders. There were occasional "God-phrases" tossed in - one negative ("You know when you want something and you wish for it really hard? He's the guy who ignores you.") and two neutral or positive. The major thrust is evolutionary/humanist, with "human curiosity" and "human will to survive" being the most positive traits espoused. For this reason, the philosophical unity of the movie is disturbed. We care for these two very attractive and likable blond people and don't want them to be killed, but we're not given any solid reason for our natural feeling. The client's reaction to his clone thus seems just as logical and morally neutral as the clones' desire not to be "sent to the Island."
The main problem with this movie is that in getting as many things right as it does, it misses the point entirely. We in America are not dealing with a hypothetical future cloning issue. The future is now! There is no difference between the callousness displayed for clones in this movie and the current situation with abortion. The parallels were so obvious to me. Never once in the movie did they bring up the question: "At what point does the 'thing' in the artificial womb become a human life?" The clones are all unquestionably human, from beginning to end. In the scene where they slice open the sacs, everyone watching in the theatre knows the people on the screen are murdering.
If you watch the movie or have watched it, think of it all the way through with this parallel in mind. The clones are babies too, only in adult bodies. They are innocent and lost, in a world in which nobody gives them half a thought, except to kill them. Think of the babies even now tossed into dumpsters behind abortion clinics. Embryos, harvested for stem cells. The future is now.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I've passed the one-week mark until I start driving back to school. I leave next Tuesday. This means I am actually allowed to start thinking about it. I've been counting down to a mild extent all summer long, but now I'm really counting. I have many things to buy and do before then, though I'm not worrying about the packing itself until next Monday. I ought to purchase some new sneakers, for example, esp. if I'm beginning a new running regimen with some of the freshmen girls this fall. Good running sneakers can be expensive - $60-100 - but I always regret it when I buy cheap sneakers, because they fall apart very quickly and they don't provide support for my flat feet.
I'm looking at my schedule and actually beginning to plan what will fit in where. I love the fact that I have my entire mornings free MWF, except for chapel. This means I can do my quiet time and exercise in the mornings on those days, so long as I've finished my readings for the three lit classes the evening before. Of course my three-hour Modern Middle East class in the evening on Tuesday may mess that up, but I can always read ahead on the weekends. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons look like the best times for tutoring.
I'll probably be taking TKD classes too. I'm checking out the Loudoun Academy of Martial Arts. Looks like they have classes 7-8pm MWF, 8-9pm TuTh, and 11am-12pm Sat that are for adults, all levels. They seem to be my best bet, because they're a member of the WTF (World TKD Federation), the same as my school back here in MO, and they offer monthly contracts and day passes, so that I wouldn't have to commit myself for an entire year. The main advantage of this school over the other I was checking out (the one near Starbucks) is that all levels of adults practice in the same class, so if anyone wanted to come along with me and learn also, we could be in the same class. ;) If I do TKD 2-3x/wk, play a little Ultimate, do a little running, go hiking on the weekends, and do weights 2-3x/wk as well, I should be all set on exercise. :D In fact, if I did all that I would get into my best shape ever.
Sleep is also a priority. I almost killed myself this past year. Any time I get sick twice in two weeks I know I am doing something bad to myself. It took me two months of 10-hour summer sleeping to recover. :) So I must be more diligent about my studying, especially on the weekends, so that I can save myself weeknight sleep. I will use Saturday mornings to sleep a little more and to plan for my next week's tutoring and teaching at the homeschool co-op, but then Saturday afternoons must be diligent. I need at least 8 hours of sleep a night to function at top level, but I can handle 7 for a while. It is only when I get down to 6 or less that I really start to crumble.
I am cutting back the unnecessary extracurriculars. I will not do the play, no matter how tempted I am. I will do Chorale, student gov't, and probably CIC. I will also help with Ecce and do Smudge and Tympan, but those latter are more essential "friend time" and important development of my one main focus - writing - than anything else. I also want to help at church, now that I am a member. I will join the choir, at least.
I haven't given myself scads of free time, have I? That's 'cause, if I do all the things I mention here, I ought to be happy. Life is work, so I might as well enjoy it in the process. :) Not all these items will happen every week, and heart-to-heart friend conversations are capable of trumping almost anything, even sleep and exercise. :) Often, even, they count as part of my devotional time.
I have one main "people" goal for this semester - unity among fellow Christians. So I am going to go out of my normal habits and out of my comfort zone to talk to groups on campus whom I normally don't find time to speak to. This struck me like a hammer blow this past Sunday when pastor was talking about the communion we were about to have. As I stared at the patterns on the cloths covering the communion bread, I realized, that bread symbolizes the invisible connection between every person at PHC, whether we talk to each other or not. And how much I could learn about people and God's image by talking to those persons who are different from myself! I do it all the time at home, but not at school. Why?
We really are children, all of us, in terms of spiritual maturity. Do y'all ever wonder what the professors must think as they watch us go about our daily lives, struggling through the places where they were themselves ten or more years before? I know I feel amazed, even looking at high schoolers, to think of how much I can share with them now.
I'm looking at my schedule and actually beginning to plan what will fit in where. I love the fact that I have my entire mornings free MWF, except for chapel. This means I can do my quiet time and exercise in the mornings on those days, so long as I've finished my readings for the three lit classes the evening before. Of course my three-hour Modern Middle East class in the evening on Tuesday may mess that up, but I can always read ahead on the weekends. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons look like the best times for tutoring.
I'll probably be taking TKD classes too. I'm checking out the Loudoun Academy of Martial Arts. Looks like they have classes 7-8pm MWF, 8-9pm TuTh, and 11am-12pm Sat that are for adults, all levels. They seem to be my best bet, because they're a member of the WTF (World TKD Federation), the same as my school back here in MO, and they offer monthly contracts and day passes, so that I wouldn't have to commit myself for an entire year. The main advantage of this school over the other I was checking out (the one near Starbucks) is that all levels of adults practice in the same class, so if anyone wanted to come along with me and learn also, we could be in the same class. ;) If I do TKD 2-3x/wk, play a little Ultimate, do a little running, go hiking on the weekends, and do weights 2-3x/wk as well, I should be all set on exercise. :D In fact, if I did all that I would get into my best shape ever.
Sleep is also a priority. I almost killed myself this past year. Any time I get sick twice in two weeks I know I am doing something bad to myself. It took me two months of 10-hour summer sleeping to recover. :) So I must be more diligent about my studying, especially on the weekends, so that I can save myself weeknight sleep. I will use Saturday mornings to sleep a little more and to plan for my next week's tutoring and teaching at the homeschool co-op, but then Saturday afternoons must be diligent. I need at least 8 hours of sleep a night to function at top level, but I can handle 7 for a while. It is only when I get down to 6 or less that I really start to crumble.
I am cutting back the unnecessary extracurriculars. I will not do the play, no matter how tempted I am. I will do Chorale, student gov't, and probably CIC. I will also help with Ecce and do Smudge and Tympan, but those latter are more essential "friend time" and important development of my one main focus - writing - than anything else. I also want to help at church, now that I am a member. I will join the choir, at least.
I haven't given myself scads of free time, have I? That's 'cause, if I do all the things I mention here, I ought to be happy. Life is work, so I might as well enjoy it in the process. :) Not all these items will happen every week, and heart-to-heart friend conversations are capable of trumping almost anything, even sleep and exercise. :) Often, even, they count as part of my devotional time.
I have one main "people" goal for this semester - unity among fellow Christians. So I am going to go out of my normal habits and out of my comfort zone to talk to groups on campus whom I normally don't find time to speak to. This struck me like a hammer blow this past Sunday when pastor was talking about the communion we were about to have. As I stared at the patterns on the cloths covering the communion bread, I realized, that bread symbolizes the invisible connection between every person at PHC, whether we talk to each other or not. And how much I could learn about people and God's image by talking to those persons who are different from myself! I do it all the time at home, but not at school. Why?
We really are children, all of us, in terms of spiritual maturity. Do y'all ever wonder what the professors must think as they watch us go about our daily lives, struggling through the places where they were themselves ten or more years before? I know I feel amazed, even looking at high schoolers, to think of how much I can share with them now.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
All my schoolbooks have arrived, in a flurry of small boxes and bubble mailers. "Like Christmas!" declared my dad. I scissored the ends off of all the bubble mailers, extracted their contents, and neatly checked them off my required books list. As of yesterday, they're all here. They sit in two knee-high piles by the side of our living-room couch. Every now and then I dip into them and find something to read. I haven't finished many. I read Great Expectations and started The Great Gatsby and one of my books for Modern Middle East. I sorta look forward to digging into these piles in earnest.
The school year is coming just in time. I am bored stiff at my job. An endless succession of homeschool companies parades on my screen. The worst part is that the parade has gone around the block so often that some of the faces are looking very familiar indeed. I just have to... hang on... for 3.5 more days of work. :)
The school year is coming just in time. I am bored stiff at my job. An endless succession of homeschool companies parades on my screen. The worst part is that the parade has gone around the block so often that some of the faces are looking very familiar indeed. I just have to... hang on... for 3.5 more days of work. :)
Monday, August 08, 2005
The countdown is underway. In a day and a week, I'll be on the road to PHC. Like Kirsten E. posted on her blog, I think I'll be ready. God has been breaking me over and over again this summer, so that I am not the same person who left PHC in May. I've been reading Bible for at least an hour almost every day, so that I'll be finishing this year's entire read-through a few months early, if all goes well. I've also been spending significant chunks of time in prayer.
God has been teaching me about prayer since last summer. I was looking around for a devotional, and I found a skinny red booklet entitled Deepening Your Conversation With God, all about the importance of prayer. Before, I would drop little thoughts throughout the day and, with a virtuous feeling, every several days I would kneel down by the side of the living-room couch and pray for ten minutes or so. The little red booklet changed my outlook entirely. It told true stories about prayer, things I'd never heard before, such as the way the American missionary movement began - a non-stop prayer vigil by a group of students. One phrase stuck with me (I may not have the phrasing, but I have the meaning): "Prayer is not an interruption from your real work. It is the most important work you can do." After that, I began to pray much more frequently, and for much longer. It began to be a habit. Last summer was a time of submission and peace.
I entered junior year determined to make quiet times and service to others a priority. To my amazement, I started getting positions of responsibility. I kept up my quiet times, and I began to have weekly prayer sessions with three of my good friends. Over Christmas break, I read the letter Dr. Hake (lit teacher) had given his own daughters when they went to college, which he had kindly forwarded on to me. In it he advised them to spend at least two hours out of every day either talking to or learning about God, through prayer, singing, journalling, or reading Bible and devotional books. I made that my own goal. It seems a small amount to give to the Creator of the world.
So that's what I've been doing this summer. I've been thrown on God over and over again, and He has helped me accomplish so much. I am utterly, completely dependent on Him. What a different feeling from the end of last summer. A year ago, I was berating myself for how little of "my" goals I had accomplished. Now I am thankful for what I have been able to do.
God has been teaching me about prayer since last summer. I was looking around for a devotional, and I found a skinny red booklet entitled Deepening Your Conversation With God, all about the importance of prayer. Before, I would drop little thoughts throughout the day and, with a virtuous feeling, every several days I would kneel down by the side of the living-room couch and pray for ten minutes or so. The little red booklet changed my outlook entirely. It told true stories about prayer, things I'd never heard before, such as the way the American missionary movement began - a non-stop prayer vigil by a group of students. One phrase stuck with me (I may not have the phrasing, but I have the meaning): "Prayer is not an interruption from your real work. It is the most important work you can do." After that, I began to pray much more frequently, and for much longer. It began to be a habit. Last summer was a time of submission and peace.
I entered junior year determined to make quiet times and service to others a priority. To my amazement, I started getting positions of responsibility. I kept up my quiet times, and I began to have weekly prayer sessions with three of my good friends. Over Christmas break, I read the letter Dr. Hake (lit teacher) had given his own daughters when they went to college, which he had kindly forwarded on to me. In it he advised them to spend at least two hours out of every day either talking to or learning about God, through prayer, singing, journalling, or reading Bible and devotional books. I made that my own goal. It seems a small amount to give to the Creator of the world.
So that's what I've been doing this summer. I've been thrown on God over and over again, and He has helped me accomplish so much. I am utterly, completely dependent on Him. What a different feeling from the end of last summer. A year ago, I was berating myself for how little of "my" goals I had accomplished. Now I am thankful for what I have been able to do.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
I am nonplused. My mom and I don't always get along, though we have some really fantastic conversations at times. We love each other, but we fight, too. One thing we used to have trouble about was money. I can't stand to use other people's money, and I like being in charge of my own stuff. I've bought my own clothes since I was 12. My first year at college, since I wasn't working (at their suggestion), my parents had to pay all my college bills. I heard about it so much that I dropped debate the next year and began working - first at a florist shop, completely out of my comfort zone, and then grading Latin workbooks. I've been working ever since at school so that I can pay for airplane tickets, extra groceries, and schoolbooks.
This year I no longer have my job grading Latin, so I've been lining up tutoring situations. I walked into my mom's room and flopped on her bed to explain my coming financial picture to her. "I found another tutoring job," I said, "but since it's quite a bit farther away, I'm going to raise my rate."
"How much farther?" she asked immediately.
"It's a 40-minute drive one way."
Instantly, astonishing things came from her mouth. First, she wanted to buy me a new car, because she doesn't trust Thing to make that distance every week. I explained that by this point I know Thing's foibles, and that he is pretty trustworthy. I didn't want her to spend the money on a car, because I own Thing fair and square, and I bought and repaired him with my own money. I want to be independent and low-stress, I said, and with Thing I am, because he wasn't a high expenditure, so it doesn't matter too much what happens to him.
"Why do you want the extra money of this job anyway?" she asked. I explained how much car insurance, gas, extra groceries, and Tae Kwon Do lessons will cost. "And then, I am saving the extra for a laptop," I added.
"Oh!" She brightened. "We can buy you a laptop. I'm sure Dad will agree, if it will save you from an extra hour and a half of driving in Virginia ice or sleet every week." I stared at her again, unsure how to handle this suddenly generous mother. It is true; I've wanted a laptop of my own for a long time, but I hadn't counted on having one for a while yet. I didn't want to accept, because I wanted to own it myself, fair and square, no strings attached. I protested for another five minutes or more: "But I'll still need some of the money from that job for living expenses."
The answer came quickly. "Well, we'll give you a $1000 scholarship from our own pockets so that you have more time to study. How about that?"
How about that, indeed! And it was just last night I was laying everything before God and saying I was worried about the upcoming semester! So at this point in the conversation I said, "All right, I think it is time I just relaxed and said, 'thank you!'" Then my mom shooed me out of the room, and I came down here to look up laptop specs for college. I am still in a state of shock, and I can hardly believe it is true. I am going to do my very best to make this a worthwhile expenditure for my parents. :) :) :) :) :) :)
This year I no longer have my job grading Latin, so I've been lining up tutoring situations. I walked into my mom's room and flopped on her bed to explain my coming financial picture to her. "I found another tutoring job," I said, "but since it's quite a bit farther away, I'm going to raise my rate."
"How much farther?" she asked immediately.
"It's a 40-minute drive one way."
Instantly, astonishing things came from her mouth. First, she wanted to buy me a new car, because she doesn't trust Thing to make that distance every week. I explained that by this point I know Thing's foibles, and that he is pretty trustworthy. I didn't want her to spend the money on a car, because I own Thing fair and square, and I bought and repaired him with my own money. I want to be independent and low-stress, I said, and with Thing I am, because he wasn't a high expenditure, so it doesn't matter too much what happens to him.
"Why do you want the extra money of this job anyway?" she asked. I explained how much car insurance, gas, extra groceries, and Tae Kwon Do lessons will cost. "And then, I am saving the extra for a laptop," I added.
"Oh!" She brightened. "We can buy you a laptop. I'm sure Dad will agree, if it will save you from an extra hour and a half of driving in Virginia ice or sleet every week." I stared at her again, unsure how to handle this suddenly generous mother. It is true; I've wanted a laptop of my own for a long time, but I hadn't counted on having one for a while yet. I didn't want to accept, because I wanted to own it myself, fair and square, no strings attached. I protested for another five minutes or more: "But I'll still need some of the money from that job for living expenses."
The answer came quickly. "Well, we'll give you a $1000 scholarship from our own pockets so that you have more time to study. How about that?"
How about that, indeed! And it was just last night I was laying everything before God and saying I was worried about the upcoming semester! So at this point in the conversation I said, "All right, I think it is time I just relaxed and said, 'thank you!'" Then my mom shooed me out of the room, and I came down here to look up laptop specs for college. I am still in a state of shock, and I can hardly believe it is true. I am going to do my very best to make this a worthwhile expenditure for my parents. :) :) :) :) :) :)
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Dreams
These teasing, tumbling
Thoughts in my head
Of faraway, fanciful
Items of dread
Come capering, cackling
From dusk to dawn.
For a second I see them,
And then they are gone.
To be a great writer in this world, does one have to think about disturbing things at least a little bit? They exist; they're everywhere around us:
O beggar,
He who with the refuse lies,
What hid your soul so deep behind your eyes?
I think about this, because one of my deepest, most-desired requests to God is that He will make me an excellent writer - indeed, one of the best writers in the world. Do I know what I am asking for? What does it take to give one the bone-deep sadness of a Dostoevsky?
One half-cup of sadness,
A whole cup of pain,
Of diligence a handful,
Of wisdom the same.
A teaspoon of friendship,
A sprinkling of joy,
Six particles of patience,
No fear to annoy.
What do I do now, in the meanwhile, as I work, study, and learn? I don't have time to write properly!
Change that patience to a cup.
Pour it in and stir it up.
Stop it, taste it, frown, and then
Go and mix it up again.
What do I do? I work, study, and learn!
These teasing, tumbling
Thoughts in my head
Of faraway, fanciful
Items of dread
Come capering, cackling
From dusk to dawn.
For a second I see them,
And then they are gone.
To be a great writer in this world, does one have to think about disturbing things at least a little bit? They exist; they're everywhere around us:
O beggar,
He who with the refuse lies,
What hid your soul so deep behind your eyes?
I think about this, because one of my deepest, most-desired requests to God is that He will make me an excellent writer - indeed, one of the best writers in the world. Do I know what I am asking for? What does it take to give one the bone-deep sadness of a Dostoevsky?
One half-cup of sadness,
A whole cup of pain,
Of diligence a handful,
Of wisdom the same.
A teaspoon of friendship,
A sprinkling of joy,
Six particles of patience,
No fear to annoy.
What do I do now, in the meanwhile, as I work, study, and learn? I don't have time to write properly!
Change that patience to a cup.
Pour it in and stir it up.
Stop it, taste it, frown, and then
Go and mix it up again.
What do I do? I work, study, and learn!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Turns out, joy of joys, I will be driving back to PHC starting Tuesday the 16th, stopping over all of Wednesday in Louisville with Ashlea D., and driving for 8 more hours or so on Thursday. And Gabi may stop there on the way up from AL. What joy! The roomies together again!
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I fell in love today. The object of my affections is sitting in our living room right now, and I can't have it. Here is a picture: 
Yes, I am speaking of James Ussher's Annals of the World. My mom received a review sample of the new English translation from Answers in Genesis. It is huge, leatherbound in red, and jam-packed with heavily-footnoted data on all important events from the beginning of the world until A.D. 70. I want it. I salivate over it. But I cannot have it, even if I review it (that's the normal deal), because Mom wants to keep it for the family as a whole! I tried to explain that the family as a whole will not read it, whereas I will, but she was not swayed. I'm thinking I might manage to obtain a copy some time before I return to school, because for me it is a treasure trove. The items I could learn!!! *sigh*
Yes, I am speaking of James Ussher's Annals of the World. My mom received a review sample of the new English translation from Answers in Genesis. It is huge, leatherbound in red, and jam-packed with heavily-footnoted data on all important events from the beginning of the world until A.D. 70. I want it. I salivate over it. But I cannot have it, even if I review it (that's the normal deal), because Mom wants to keep it for the family as a whole! I tried to explain that the family as a whole will not read it, whereas I will, but she was not swayed. I'm thinking I might manage to obtain a copy some time before I return to school, because for me it is a treasure trove. The items I could learn!!! *sigh*
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
In a blinding flash of light, a theory about the Harry Potter series struck me a few days ago. The more I think about it, the more it makes (potential) sense. Now, I don't know if Rowling is really this subtle. The whole theory, actually, is based upon the premise that Rowling cannot possibly be as obvious as she seemed to be in the latest book. Something's just doesn't click here, unless she ran out of trickiness, because the first several books fit together so well.
1. Sirius can't really be dead, at least not permanently. He disappeared too suddenly at the end of book 5, with too little explanation.
*** BOOK 6 SPOILERS AHEAD! ***
2. Snape can't really be evil. The scene with him and the Malfoy women at the very beginning of book 6 was just too obvious, and Dumbledore has trusted him for too long. The Death Eaters distrusted Snape, of which Dumbledore was probably very aware. Is it possible that Dumbledore set up his own murder - or faked murder - in order to get Snape into Voldemort's inner circle? I mean, why would Dumbledore make a late-night expedition with only Harry and then freeze him under his invisibility cloak so that he could not help the situation or go for help? What if he wanted a witness of the event of his "death" at Hogwarts?
Why make us pity Snape in book 5 if he is just evil? Doesn't make sense to me. Of course, again, I may be giving Rowling too much credit. The reader's pity for Snape may be an unintended consequence of revealing a point of Harry's past that was needed for the story. Rowling may not be utterly aware of all the levels of her own work.
I don't know. It is fully possible that things may be just as they seem on the surface. I know I will be disappointed if book 7 does not include some twists and turns, however.
1. Sirius can't really be dead, at least not permanently. He disappeared too suddenly at the end of book 5, with too little explanation.
*** BOOK 6 SPOILERS AHEAD! ***
2. Snape can't really be evil. The scene with him and the Malfoy women at the very beginning of book 6 was just too obvious, and Dumbledore has trusted him for too long. The Death Eaters distrusted Snape, of which Dumbledore was probably very aware. Is it possible that Dumbledore set up his own murder - or faked murder - in order to get Snape into Voldemort's inner circle? I mean, why would Dumbledore make a late-night expedition with only Harry and then freeze him under his invisibility cloak so that he could not help the situation or go for help? What if he wanted a witness of the event of his "death" at Hogwarts?
Why make us pity Snape in book 5 if he is just evil? Doesn't make sense to me. Of course, again, I may be giving Rowling too much credit. The reader's pity for Snape may be an unintended consequence of revealing a point of Harry's past that was needed for the story. Rowling may not be utterly aware of all the levels of her own work.
I don't know. It is fully possible that things may be just as they seem on the surface. I know I will be disappointed if book 7 does not include some twists and turns, however.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Interesting. People are posting to their own blogs and commenting to others less frequently. Could be it's almost the end of summer. Could be we have only a couple weeks until we start heading back to college. Odd thought, and just when I was getting happy with summer. I'll be glad to go, but I would be glad to stay as well.
As I sit here typing, various potential scenes of violence and mayhem are playing through my mind. "Hmm. I'm glad Mr. Moore made me spar that tough guy in TKD class last Monday. When he came in and kicked me with that hard roundhouse I should have stayed in and outside-crescent-kicked him to the head. Or maybe..." You get the idea. Things like this are working in the back areas of my cranium much of the time. Once I figure scenarios out mentally, they pop into reality the next time I spar. I'm not sure how that works, but it does... Did y'all know that this one study showed that people who spent 15 minutes a day thinking about a particular physical activity that required some coordination had improved just as much by the next week as people who actually practiced it for 15 minutes a day? Sensors showed that just thinking about the activity triggered little responses in the correct muscles. Isn't that interesting?
But the point of me bringing up TKD was to mention that I'll be testing for the next intermediate step between 1st and 2nd dan black belt sometime in the next few weeks. This is the third intermediate step. Next summer I'll be able to test for 2nd dan itself! I am quite excited, because it is a big milestone. It took me three years to earn my 1st dan black belt, and it will have taken me four years for my 2nd. Normally it would take only two years to go from 1st to 2nd, but school tends to intervene.
This "test" is really a demonstration. I have a three-move board-breaking combination, a four-move combo on kicking paddles, and an original form (set of choreographed moves that represents a fight with several opponents). I am looking forward to it very much.
In other news, I had some nice phone conversations this weekend, and I spent a lot of time with my family. I enjoy my family very much, and I am trying to focus on telling everyone how much I love them. Also, God has really been breaking me down this summer. I have cried almost every day, and I've really been struggling with a number of things. Sunday night and Monday afternoon, something happened. I finally let go of what had been bothering me, and I feel myself beginning to heal a long-time sore inside of me. I'm sorry I'm being so secretive. I will tell some of you in a few weeks. Maybe.
As I sit here typing, various potential scenes of violence and mayhem are playing through my mind. "Hmm. I'm glad Mr. Moore made me spar that tough guy in TKD class last Monday. When he came in and kicked me with that hard roundhouse I should have stayed in and outside-crescent-kicked him to the head. Or maybe..." You get the idea. Things like this are working in the back areas of my cranium much of the time. Once I figure scenarios out mentally, they pop into reality the next time I spar. I'm not sure how that works, but it does... Did y'all know that this one study showed that people who spent 15 minutes a day thinking about a particular physical activity that required some coordination had improved just as much by the next week as people who actually practiced it for 15 minutes a day? Sensors showed that just thinking about the activity triggered little responses in the correct muscles. Isn't that interesting?
But the point of me bringing up TKD was to mention that I'll be testing for the next intermediate step between 1st and 2nd dan black belt sometime in the next few weeks. This is the third intermediate step. Next summer I'll be able to test for 2nd dan itself! I am quite excited, because it is a big milestone. It took me three years to earn my 1st dan black belt, and it will have taken me four years for my 2nd. Normally it would take only two years to go from 1st to 2nd, but school tends to intervene.
This "test" is really a demonstration. I have a three-move board-breaking combination, a four-move combo on kicking paddles, and an original form (set of choreographed moves that represents a fight with several opponents). I am looking forward to it very much.
In other news, I had some nice phone conversations this weekend, and I spent a lot of time with my family. I enjoy my family very much, and I am trying to focus on telling everyone how much I love them. Also, God has really been breaking me down this summer. I have cried almost every day, and I've really been struggling with a number of things. Sunday night and Monday afternoon, something happened. I finally let go of what had been bothering me, and I feel myself beginning to heal a long-time sore inside of me. I'm sorry I'm being so secretive. I will tell some of you in a few weeks. Maybe.
