I started writing a story this evening. It was a tremendous relief. I haven't written stories all semester, and I was afraid I couldn't do it any more. Not so; but I do think that my "voice" has changed. In the same way that men can't go to war and return the same, I think that weathering this semester has matured me and my perception of life. Perhaps I can write better stories now? We shall see.  ¶ 7:34 PM (0) comments

  Happiness is:
- A God who loves me
- Thanksgiving Day spent between two friends who needed each other for surrogate family on this day that can be either one of the most delightful or the most lonely
- 60-degree weather in the middle of November
- A peaceful, mostly-clean room and laundry put away
- A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle lying, partially-read, by my foot
- Family to assist and love

I have a plan. It is a good plan on many levels. I will be learning all about film as an autodidact (self-taught person), beginning over Christmas break. But after I graduate from PHC in May I will be serving my family for a year or two as editor of Practical Homeschooling magazine. My mother is so weary of the job, and this will give her the opportunity to finish some of her book projects. I'm really the only one who can act as editor of PHS. I think I could do it well. I also think it is an extremely challenging job that will teach me a lot.

I fear it, and I am looking forward to it.  ¶ 7:37 AM (0) comments

  Well, I am happy, although tired. I made two Dulles runs this morning - at 4am and 6:30am. Then from 9:30-3:30 I was shopping with Jennifer S. and Rachel M. We were just gonna go to Starbucks, find Rachel some silver shoes to wear as a bridesmaid in Hannah G.'s upcoming wedding, and then buy groceries. It turned into an expedition in which we bought everything we could conceivably want for the next month. ;) I think I spent about $150 total, which isn't bad when you consider that I've been saving up all my needs for two months. This is what I bought:

- New jeans from Old Navy
- Sweater from Old Navy
- Christmas music from Target
- Black pumps from Target
- Chocolate and other groceries from Target
- And the absolute prize, the wonder of wonders, which I am wearing right now: new leather boots! I have been wanting tall leather boots for a few years now, but they are always over $120 when I find them. Today a store in the Leesburg outlets had many styles on sale, and then 50% off the sale price. So I have tall leather boots that cost only $65!

Thanksgiving break is beginning well. Today and tomorrow I am taking off from school. Friday and Saturday will be intense work days, however.  ¶ 12:51 PM (2) comments

  Well, world, guess what? I am terrified about life right now, at the same time as I am fascinated. I am terrified because I am considering doing something I love instead of something for which I have a rational, step-by-step plan. I'm going to learn how to make movies. Meanwhile, I have absolutely no idea at this time what my life after PHC will look like. Isn't that funny? I've thought I was so nicely planned for so long. Now it is blank and empty. And open. That's another way to look at it. God can write anything He wants on my life, 'cause I'm not trying to hold the pen.

Also, I'm intending to drop my History of Islam course because I no longer need it as a Lit major. This thought is making me feel guilty. I think that's foolish. I'm feeling guilty because then my life will be temporarily manageable while others are suffering all around me. Must I feel obligated to suffer as much as or more than everyone else? Is that a sort of pride?

Maybe I should just take a rest and do something fun. I'm not sure I know how to do either of those two things any more.  ¶ 7:39 PM (2) comments

  I exercised this afternoon for the first time in two weeks. My body felt stiff and lethargic.

Yes, the play is over. I am utterly delighted.

My life is both more complicated and simpler. I have dropped the history half of my double major, and I will now graduate in May as a regular Lit major. I am planning to work and to learn how to make movies. My future is one blank tablet on which God may write. It's scary and awesome both.

I have learned so much this semester about love. I helped create a play that sold out two of its nights and allowed several hundred people to witness an excellent story. I wore my nicest clothes, and they clapped for me and Christy. Mostly, however, for Christy. Nobody but God knows what I did for the production. I have grappled with that fact all semester, but I think I am at peace with it at last.

I have learned that life tries its best to get in the way of anything worthwhile - but if God wants it done, it will happen. I love my Lord.  ¶ 4:35 PM (2) comments

  Sitting in the corner of Town Hall, all my play producer duties currently as settled as they're gonna be... The play runs onstage, everyone looking wonderful in their costumes. In a week this will all be over, and what then? Schoolwork and regular friendships, without this common cause. I feel the loss already in anticipation. This next week is to be cherished. At the same time, I wish it were already over.  ¶ 11:45 AM (1) comments