Ho-hum. Random tidbits from a lovely Saturday afternoon. Today I am writing a Physics syllabus for the co-op class I am teaching this coming school year. It is due tomorrow, so I should have probably written it before, but I very purposefully left it for this Saturday. It's taking about as long as I thought - 2+ hours so far, and I am about a third of the way through. The hard part is scanning through the textbook and trying to figure out what parts make sense to teach when, and then deciding what to do for appropriate experiments each week. Then of course there is the appropriate introductory jibber-jabber, teacher expectations, grade breakdown, all that good stuff. It's a complicated little thingie, and I'm sure this is a great experience for me. Even if I will have only 3-4 students. :P

Hmm. I also need to go to the library some time today before 5pm, when it closes. I found that there is actually a Starbucks one collection of shops over from the library - the sort with cushy chairs. :D :D Earlier this summer I was excited to notice a Starbucks near our friendly neighborhood mega-Wal-Mart, but it was the nasty kind with hard-back wooden chairs. Most unpleasant. Anyway, I plan to sit in the nice Starbucks and read for a while after going to the library. My new schoolbooks are trickling in, and I want to get a bit ahead. Every hour I spend reading now is an hour more of sleep at college. :) When I put it that way to myself, I become quite motivated.

Oh, what else? I received my class schedule in the mail today. It was just as I already posted, only Novel is at 3pm instead of 2pm. Same diff; I won't make it back from the co-op in time to hit more than the last five minutes even if I hurried, and chances are my Physics class will want a little extra time some days, or somebody will have questions. Wouldn't do to rush away like a crazy person, now would it?

Yesterday I saw the movie Sky High. I was hoping it would be good, because the preview for it looked fun, but it was absolutely lousy - the worst movie I've seen all summer. I would find it hard to name what was good about it, except that I liked two of the characters - the hippie girlfriend, and the kid (Warren Peace) who hates our hero. It was poorly paced and improbably written, with embarrassingly overdone acting from Kurt Russell and with huge gaping plot holes. Most people who were watching with me at 4:45pm on opening day left wearing the same sort of twisted-mouth expression as I felt on my own face, as if we tasted something bad. Blech.

I also visited a friend's house last night with Maddy and Lillie, which was much more fun. We played a game like Clue, only in reverse, entitled "Kill Dr. Lucky." If it sounds macabre, it's because it was, but in a way that appealed to my sense of dark humor.

All right, here I go - back to work!  ¶ 11:02 AM (2) comments

  Happy life. For the past week or so, Missouri weather has been over 100 degrees, sticky, and white-hot blazing. Sweat magically appeared the second we stepped outdoors, so not many people did. Driving anywhere made a person feel like taking a nap. But yesterday, the heat broke. Like a drink of water to a parched throat, a cool front arrived. Blessed, beautiful 80 degrees.

I feel caged if I spend too much time indoors, as though my soul is pacing up and down with nowhere to go. Last evening, after TKD class, I grabbed Lillie and Maddy and we went for a walk in our neighborhood in the burgeoning twilight. As pinks and reds overcame the sky, we walked slowly and reveled in our time together. We exchanged movie quips, and, as we came to the spot in our neighborhood where one can best see the sky, my soul sighed peacefully. Spontaneously, I thanked God out loud for the beauty. My little sisters grinned at me happily; they like to hear people praying.

On the way back home, Maddy announced that her mouth was watering for Skittles. She said it in the matter-of-fact way of someone who knows from long experience that she's not going to get the candy, since my family doesn't eat very much sugar. Luckily for her, I was feeling just the same way. So I snuck into the house to get my purse (to avoid the numerous stoppings and questions before any trip, no matter how small), and we zipped away to the convenience store around the corner. There we bought a medium-size bag of tropical Skittles, which we three split the rest of the evening as I read four chapters of John, three chapters of Daniel, and half of the story of Joseph out loud to them in my best dramatic style. They took turns on several of the latter chapters, since by then my voice was getting sore.

It was a lovely evening. After the sibs went to bed, I stayed up until 1am updating my website's "writing" section with some of last semester's best work, including an essay about people's traveling between China and the coast of South America. I've programmed an automatic system that makes it very easy for me to add new material, which reminds me - I'll be working on my website more over the next few weeks, and possibly putting together some of the other diffusion research I've done on the side for the past couple years. I've found some interesting, little-known topics that I would like to write down before I forget them. I also have my file box full of odd factoids.

One system I've been thinking I would like to program is a research paper note-taking widget. It wouldn't be so hard. I would just allow it to 'create a new paper,' with a password. Inside the paper, you would add sources and topic headings, and then you could add entries for each source, with page number and a topic flag. You could display all the quotes for a source or topic heading, with the quote on one side and your comments on that quote on the other. If I programmed this well, I might even put it into the "public" portion of my site and let other people use it. T'would be a lot easier to keep it in the private section, however, along with my other personal tools.

I like Thursday evenings. I have no activities, no commitments... I can nerd away for hours on things I enjoy.  ¶ 10:36 AM (1) comments

  OK, forget food. I guess that was more for my personal enjoyment than anyone else's. I found it useful to summarize some of the stuff I've learned. :)

Ouch. I just spent $230 on Amazon for next semester's books. They would have cost me $420 new from the PHC Bookstore, but I scouted around and bought most of them used. My courses next semester are:
- Principles of Biblical Reasoning - Tu/Th - 8am
- Topics in Philosophy - Tu/Th - 12pm
- Modern Middle East History - Tu - 7-10pm
- Worldviews in Literature - MWF - 12pm
- English Literature Seminar I - MWF - 1pm
- The Novel - MWF - 2pm

As you can see, this is much more a lit semester than a history one. Spring semester will be almost all history, because I'll be writing my senior project then. Brrrr! *shivers* At least it ought to be fascinating, because I am going to write about the history of homeschooling. I'll get to interview lots of people and put info together. Tres cool. And then I write 90-100 pages. On top of this, I'll also be taking at least three classes. Should be a fun time of reading and imaginative research.

During this semester, I'll be spending three consecutive hours in Dr. Hake's classroom in Founder's for my three lit classes. :P Thrills! Except on Wednesdays, I'll have to duck out of Novel and rush to the P'ville homeschool co-op to teach my Physics class. I think I'm going to have to do extra writing for Dr. Hake to make up for the missed classes. Ah well.

Only three weeks, fellow PHC'ers! If you are visiting my blog, Sarah L., I am sorry if this makes you a bit melancholy, since you are graduated and all. You shall have to bestow your beneficent self upon campus often. :)  ¶ 7:54 AM (7) comments

  Today I have decided to write about food. Though I am not a certified nutritionist by any means, I probably know a good deal more about food than the average person. This is because it has been a favorite pet study of mine ever since I decided to become truly fit at age 18, the year before college. I never wanted to "diet," because I wanted to make a lifestyle change, something I could live with for the long term. That year, while I had control over my food and exercise (pre-dining hall fare), I exercised six days/week and ate six small meals per day, of between 200-300 calories each, balanced protein and carbs. Ever since then I've been fine-tuning and adjusting for particular foods. It's amazing the amount of factors I incorporate each day without even thinking about it. For instance, here is a typical menu:

9am - two cups plain yogurt mixed with red grapes and Splenda sweetener, or an egg-white omelet with a mini bagel (whole-wheat) and a cup of OJ
11:30am - can of chicken or lean burger patty and an apple
2pm - ham & cheese sandwich on whole-wheat bread (make sure it is not "enriched" wheat flour) and an ounce or two of dark chocolate from my fav. chocolate shop
5pm - can of salmon, and cherries, strawberries or blueberries (whatever "special" fruit we have bought for the week)
7:30pm - either family dinner or whatever is left over from family dinner, depending on the time it was finished, and a large Romaine lettuce salad with vinaigrette dressing
10pm - Another low-fat serving of protein of whatever type

Every day I want to eat much more fruit than starchy foods, since the human body stores starches and processed bread products as fat a lot easier than it does fruit. I want to eat at least 3-4 servings of milk products, since people who do that usually maintain their weight or lose fat. I want to minimize bad fats and get in appropriate amounts of both Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids. I want to get sufficient carbs for energy, and sufficient protein to keep my blood sugar stable and help me not get hungry between meals.

To fine-tune this even more, I know that I react badly to just plain milk, whereas yogurt and cheese are fine. Flavored yogurts are mostly sugar and have hardly any protein, so I opt for plain yogurt with sweetener and fruit - one of my favorite meals of the day. Further, I want to get plenty of antioxidents, because they inhibit free radicals (cancer-causing agents). The darker fruits have far more antioxidents than the others; red grapes are much better than green, and blueberries are one of the best fruits of all. Dark chocolate is also good, in small quantities, and it releases happy-making endorphins.

For the fats, I could just take a pill to make sure I have the exact balance, but I generally choose to change my diet rather than supplement. So I make sure to get in my fish (canned salmon is a nice fatty fish that doesn't have as much potential to contain mercury as others do) and a salad dressing that contains olive oil. These contain together both types of good fat.

The time of eating also affects what I choose. The body needs more energy to get started, so I eat more carbs at my first meal of the day. It also processes food in general best around the middle of the day, and I am hungrier then, so I eat my meal with bread, and I have my chocolate. :D In the evening, esp. before bed, I try not to eat many carbs at all.

When I exercise and what I do for exercise will change my schedule in subtle ways. If I'm doing cardio, I don't eat for at least half an hour afterwards, to maximize fat loss. If I do weights, on the other hand, I immediately supplement afterwards with creatine and glutamine. Creatine helps with muscle gain and retention, and glutamine reduces muscle soreness significantly so that I can exercise again sooner. Then I eat some fast-absorbing high-glycemic index carbs immediately, because muscles have energy stores called glycogen that weightlifting depletes, and that they use to repair themselves when they are worked hard. During about a half an hour period post-weights, high-sugar foods travel straight to the muscles instead of to fat. Interesting, eh? Without sufficient glycogen, muscles may break themselves down instead of repairing themselves.

No, I am not a masculine muscled freak, because, thank goodness, women only start to look like that when they take weird hormones. Right now I am in "maintenance" mode, meaning that I am about 10# higher than I was when I was really fit, and I exercise really hard only 3-5 times per week. I was obsessed about it for a while, but you can't keep that up for life and be happy. So I try to exercise doing things I love, such as Tae Kwon Do class, walks/runs with my sisters, and, well, weights. Yes, I still enjoy weightlifting. :) If I was really in weight-loss mode, I wouldn't eat bread at all, or chocolate, ham, or cheese, and I'd shift the carb/protein ratio more towards the protein side. But I am happy the way I am.

Who knew all that was going on in my head every time I put stuff into my mouth? Let me just say it was extremely hard for me to start eating properly when I began, because I was addicted to fast food and donuts and such. Now I can hardly stand it, and I feel dreadful when I eat such highly-processed things. I can feel it clogging me and behaving badly in my system. Even so, it took me an entire year of straying and experiencing negative effects all over again to finally determine that I didn't like those foods. :P

Comments on nutrition? Anyone?  ¶ 10:17 AM (0) comments

  I know I already posted today, but I have to post again, because I just finished reviewing an advance copy of Dr. Noe's Tres Mures Caeci. It makes me laugh very hard, both because it is cute and because Dr. Noe wrote it. :) He also sent a press kit with 10 Tres Mures Caeci bookmarks and a press release. The FAQ especially makes me laugh:

Why did you write this book?
"It started with a desire to read basic Latin to my own children at bedtime. My 4-year-old son Freddie is learning Latin..."

That is so Dr. Noe! Anyway, I reproduce my first draft review below:

Dr. David C. Noe, Assistant Professor of Classics at Patrick Henry College, originally wrote Tres Mures Caeci (Three Blind Mice) because he wanted to read Latin to his young children, and because books like Cattus Petasatus (The Cat in the Hat) and Winnie Ille Pu (self-explanatory) were far too complicated for young children. So he created this slender hardbound volume to chronicle the brief adventure of Mures Infelix, Miser, and Contentus (Unhappy Mouse, Miserable Mouse, and Content Mouse). Subtitled A Moral “Tail,” the book provides a humorous and original look at the classic nursery rhyme. While Unhappy Mouse and Miserable Mouse give in to despair because of their disabilities and allow the mean farmer’s wife to capture them and “caudam titillat” (tickle their tails), Content Mouse happily makes use of the resources still available to him – his legs – and scampers away. The story caused me many a delighted chuckle as I read it through, and I promptly had to take the book and translate it to every other member of my family. It would easily stand up to repeated reading, as the author intended.
One reason I am so happy to see Tres Mures Caeci is that there are so few original stories available only in Latin for children. The reason for this, of course, is that those students who actually do learn Latin do not typically begin until at least age twelve. This is completely wrong, because most language capabilities are formed by that age. Early exposure to Latin could greatly assist with later comprehension. Why learn Latin at all? The reasons are numerous. Much of ancient and medieval history, literature, and philosophy was written by Latin-speakers. Modern Romance languages share common Latinate roots, so knowledge of Latin makes familiarity with other modern languages – including English – much easier. And those long medical and scientific words make perfect sense once one understands the Latin components from which the words are formed.
So Tres Mures Caeci can help form an early love of Latin. It can also assist Latin students and teachers of all ages. A glossary in the back contains all the vocabulary words used, which the author’s website declares were “drawn from the most popular classical authors like Caesar, Cicero, Ovid and Vergil.” The two last pages of the book display an English translation of the story, and the accompanying website (www.tresmurescaeci.com) gives audio files of the Latin so that the parent or teacher can be sure he is reading it out loud properly. I should also mention the little “in” jokes in the colorful illustrations, such as the portrait of Cicero on the mice’s wall, which especially appeal to a Latin geek such as myself. A single note of caution: The farmer’s wife is portrayed as just plain mean because she wants to catch the mice, and it is never considered that she might have a valid reason for doing so. She tracks them down, knife in hand. The combination of illustrations and Latin, however, combine to make a feeling that is wry, rather than scary. Sarah Pride

Dr. Noe wants comments from my mom, though, so I have to make sure to get my mom to add a bit at the end. Sometimes I love my job!  ¶ 12:03 PM (3) comments

  Nothing's really happened the last several days - nor, for that matter, did I expect it to. Summer is settling into a routine. Work, Bible reading, other reading, evening activities. Not much writing. It almost doesn't seem worthwhile posting to my blog, because all the thoughts running through my head are either recycled or too personal to share.

I know what would be an interesting topic: Love! I've been marveling over its existence quite a lot this summer, so I'm amazed it hasn't come up before now. As I watch the people around me, I wonder at this strange force that causes a man and a woman to look at each other and decide they want to spend their lives together. What makes any individual man need a woman, and vice versa? Why are we given such a lonely feeling that only a few people can overcome it to remain single? For a woman, it is having someone to tell your private thoughts, someone who will keep them just as safe as you do. For a man, it is having someone to tell you that you are all right, not a failure; that she loves you no matter what. It is an extra pair of hands in everything you do; it is an introduction to many things you would never have imagined yourself doing before. It is so much more than I can ever describe, because I know very little about it firsthand. :D That is probably why it fascinates me.  ¶ 8:25 AM (4) comments

  Usually at this time of summer I start hanging on to it for dear life and watching it rush past in horror. For some reason it is quite different this year. I check my watch every day and am surprised to see that the number for the date has notched upward by only one digit. I keep telling myself to settle down and enjoy what I have, which is sound advice, but I just want to be back in the VA area. I love it there, and I miss my church. Frankly, these days I belong more in VA than in MO. I'm fading out back here at the same time as my outline is filling in elsewhere.

Let's see. Either the 17th or 18th of August, I need to begin driving. That means in either 27 or 28 days I will be heading back! :) :) Four weeks. Good stuff.

Meanwhile, the bright light of my summer is that I have time to sleep, read, and write. Writing especially makes me feel worthwhile. I have about 21,000 words of Erthe so far, about 9,000 of which are from summer writing. I planned to do the whole book this summer; we see how well that is working. I don't know what I was thinking, because I can't put words to page that fast yet. Especially not for a story this complicated, I can't. I think I shall aim for 30,000 words by the time I return to school, which will probably still be in the middle of Susan's training and education in the ways of Erthe outside her little protected faerie valley.

I am glad Dr. Sanders wouldn't let me do my practicum this summer after all, because then I would feel so much more stressed about my dryer weeks. By the time I do it for real next summer, I should be able to take what I have and create a second draft, editing it so that it is good. At 30,000 words a year, by the time I am 30, I should be done with my trilogy. *grin*

You know, I just realized I don't talk much about my family on here. It's not all my fault; my mom forbade me to write very many of the stories I think are humorous, because they might "come back to haunt us one day if we run for political office." :D We haven't done anything that heinous, but she thinks many things are embarrassing that I think are just humorous. She is probably right, because my judgment in such matters is not always sound. But I can truthfully say that my youngest sisters, Lillie and Maddy, are two of the sweetest girls in the world. Lillie, age 11, is small and nut-brown, with messy, blond-streaked hair and a constant smile. Maddy, age 13, recently hit her growth spurt, and is now only a few inches shorter than myself. Her big blue eyes and pointed face, framed by short blond hair and bangs, hold an all too innocent expression. She is very mischievous; she loves to make people laugh; and she draws inventive manga characters all day long. The girls are best friends, inseparable. When they were little, they looked so much alike that people thought they were twins. Now, as Lillie explains, they "keep each other sensible." :) :)  ¶ 9:03 AM (1) comments

  I have decided that I have been very selfish and somewhat arrogant this summer. I feel like I'm just crawling out of the little shell of me and seeing that there are plenty of people around me with real problems that I haven't noticed because I've been too wrapped up in analyzing my own emotional state. I can't believe the school year took me this long to process - two months is an all-time record.

So I'm waking up from me and noticing that the world outside is beautiful and sunny. I'd known that before, of course, since I've spent a significant amount of time outdoors, and I have the tan to show for it. But - funny how that is - I didn't really notice the sun or the green trees or the blue sky. "Time outdoors" was just another item on my list.

I'm still sleeping 10 or 11 hours a night without any trouble whatsoever. Who'd have thought a sleep debt would last so long? And I'm exercising four or five days a week, so even though I'm not eating as "clean" as I could, still I've lost five lbs or so.

I've earned a bit of money. After I paid off my credit cards, bought some clothes, and traveled a few places, I'll probably enter the school year with $500 left over. I have two jobs lined up, both beginning early September - one teaching Physics at a homeschool co-op on Wednesday afternoons, and one tutoring two 11-year-olds in writing. These will probably give me $250-$300/month, which can pay for car insurance, TKD lessons, gas, and extra groceries. I wouldn't mind adding on another tutoring job or two, but we'll see how it goes. The Physics will be especially fun, because I get to design the entire syllabus and all the lessons & labs.

Who am I kidding? I'm looking forward to the new school year. It's less than a month away now; it's starting to feel real! Senior year! I miss all my friends! But meanwhile, the sun outside is beautiful, and I love my family.  ¶ 9:38 AM (1) comments

  I feel as though I've been punched in the stomach and bludgeoned over the head. A friend I made at ISI, Julie, who it turns out also lives in St. Louis, is completely addicted to Harry Potter. She sewed costumes for her sister, Chrissy, and herself to wear to the last Harry Potter movie, and she and Chrissy decided to wear them again last night to a midnight bookstore party for the release of The Half-Blood Prince. They invited me and one of Julie's friends, Mark, to go along, and I thought, sure, why not, though I refused to dress up.

It was mostly uneventful. We decided to reserve books at a large Barnes & Noble near where Julie lives. She drove in at 6pm to collect our wristbands for later on, ensuring that we were #s 58 and 61 in line. We all came back at 10pm and roamed around the store. In one corner, a large semicircle of children grouped around a store employee shrieked answers to obscure Harry Potter trivia questions in exchange for tiny plastic frogs. In another, a bored teenager sold Every-Flavor Beans and chocolate frogs. Small clumps of parents and preteens roamed restlessly, the parents fond and amused, the preteens shooting each other sidelong glances as they passed, as if to confirm each other's duplicity in the sheer uncoolness of the setting. Everyone gave Julie, in her kelly-green McGonagall robes and pointed hat, a delighted smile.

After half an hour or so, we realized there was nothing to do and settled in a corner of the store to play Apples to Apples until midnight, when the book-selling began. We formed a laughing, insular little group, and attracted quite a few spectators, since nobody else had anything to do either. Kids especially hovered around, not-so-subtly wishing to be asked to play. Julie, Chrissy, and Mark are not as outgoing as myself, so they didn't seem to notice this. I eventually asked one especially persistent little guy to join in, and he promptly offered us his Every-Flavor Beans, a few of which I uneasily accepted.

At midnight, which the employees greeted with cheers and Silly String, the atmosphere changed. They began to call for the first few groups of customers to approach the registers for the honor of receiving their new books. People lined up quietly and politely, thankfully without the shoving or desperate rudeness I have come to associate with these sorts of fads (esp. during my beanie baby years!). The lines processed through quickly, since the employees had an assembly-line system of book-into-bag; bag-to-customer working smoothly. Within fifteen minutes we were out the door with our new acquisitions.

We drove back to Julie's house, where I'd left my car, and parted swiftly, since Julie wanted to read her new book. By the time I reached home, it was already 1am. But I was wide awake. I thought, what harm can it do? I'll read the first couple chapters. Next thing I knew, it was 2:30am and I was still going strong. I grabbed a Diet Mountain Dew from the fridge and continued gamely on through. Somewhere around 5:30am and page 400, my eyes closed of themselves. I woke up at 8am, fetched food, and pushed on. By 10:30am, I had finished all 654 pages. Seven hours; 654 pages; not too shabby. The book was OK, though it lacked much of the joyful sparkle that carried the previous volumes through. Also, there was too much teenage romance. Kids do not need to figure out at age sixteen the persons with whom they will spend the rest of their lives. And I don't like the ending at all.

I'm satisfied with my experience. A person has to do at least a few irrational and silly things in her lifetime. Staying up all night to read the next Harry Potter book is one of those. I realized the futility of the whole thing this morning, however, when the doorbell hauled me off the living room couch at 11:30 to retrieve the mail from the mailman, and he handed over two boxes from Amazon. They contained the two copies of The Half-Blood Prince that my mom and sister had reserved from the peaceful hygienic splendor of our own home. So I read the latest Harry Potter book a few hours before the rest of my family. So what? I groaned and fell back onto the couch.

So now I have pulled three all-nighters in my life. I did the first when I was ten, just to see if I could. The second, in which I wrote my only Dr. Sanders paper that has ever received an A, was last semester at college. Now this. Let me just say that, although it is bright and beautiful outside, my poor brain is still telling me it is the middle of a very long night. Would I do this again for book #7?

Only if I am invited. :)  ¶ 11:28 AM (0) comments

  One of the hardest places for me to keep my patience is on the road. People pull into miniscule spaces in the lane in front of me without bothering to signal. They inch forward in the lefthand lane so that I cannot see around them to turn right. And my pet peeve of all pet peeves - they scrum up against my back bumper and hang only a few feet away because I am going "only" seven miles over the speed limit and there are three cars in the lane in front of me. I hate, hate, hate it when people get that close. It is stupid and dangerous, and above all, pointless. What is it supposed to accomplish?

I've often wished that cars had a rearwards horn as well as a frontwards one. Or perhaps, better yet, a button that caused it to emit a black puff of smoke from its back end. Some way to signal to the person behind that he is raising my stress level.

I have to keep reminding myself, over and over again, that when I am on the road my main purpose is not, contrary to expectations, to get to my destination in the shortest possible time. Nor is it my job to make sure that people who act moronically "learn their lesson." I need to do everything, even driving my car, peaceably, as an ambassador for Christ.  ¶ 2:01 PM (3) comments

  An ounce of dark chocolate. Steven Curtis Chapman playing from my computer speakers. Ahh. I am ready to work. But first, I take a nibble from one corner of my chocolate chunk and begin my Internet rounds. PHC student website, PHC webmail, my own blog to check comments, and then about seven other people's blogs, on which I post comments of my own. Hmm, people are up to interesting things. I debate whether I should write my new blog post, but decide I will save it for later. Work.

I grimace as I stare at the familiar pages of Big Book of Home Learning Volume 2, Preschool and Elementary in my lap. We are updating this extensive book yet again. I know almost every one of its 500 pages, because I have gone back and forth through them over and over again since I was fifteen years old. I skim through the current chapter I'm editing on the computer screen in front of me and see a review for "Trudy Palmer's Gift of Reading Program." My mind instantly flashes to her answering machine. I know how it sounds: "Trewdy Pahlmer's Gift of Reading!" I shake my head and move on.
"Sing, Spell, Read, and Write" - oh yes, they were bought by Pearson Learning. Hmm. Pearson Learning is swallowing everyone up. What is happening to all those old little family companies, anyway?
"Ball Stick Bird" - at least some companies never change. I grin as I remember the bold line drawings of Happy Cat Dick and the Vooroos of Venus.

Before I know it, it is 5pm, and I put my work away and lean back. I have Tae Kwon Do at 7pm, and I have to remember, I owe Mr. Moore $70 for the month. But until then, what should I do? I could go swim - but then I would have to dry off for class, and I'd have chlorine in my skin when I'm sweating. Not pleasant. I could write some more Erthe. Hmm. But then I recall my large stack of library books that is due back in two days. I've read only the three books of plays, and I've hardly touched the rest. They're all on intellectual topics, things I know I ought to read. For a second I feel guilty. Then I reason, I'll just renew them. It's all good.

I could respond to email. I have about ten emails I ought to write. My stomach begins to turn over at the thought. It's too much. Nervous energy propels me to my feet, and I grab laundry and toss it into the washing machine. By now it's 5:30pm. Only an hour until I ought to leave for TKD. I leave the email and the library books upstairs and escape to my "cave," my refuge in the corner of our messy basement. It has a cushy chair with an ottoman, my bookcases, and a lamp. Here I grab my Bible and read for an hour. I feel much better when I am done, because I know that was an hour profitably spent.

TKD - I love it! Wind sprints, hapkido techniques, and sparring tonight. I blink and the hour is gone. We say our sweaty, happy goodbyes, and I'm home again by 8:30pm. Now I can face my duties. I write some emails and read 50 pages of one of my useful books.

Wow. It's 10pm already. I watch an episode of Smallville with my little sisters, pray for half an hour or so in my cave, and go to bed.

Rinse, recycle, and repeat. Where is my summer going? Today is my little sister's 17th birthday, which means it is July 13th. In only a few days more than a month, we'll all be back at PHC. For many of us, it is our senior year. In only ten months, I will watch my classmates graduate. I will smile and hug, and then I will cry...

But I'm not thinking about that yet. First things first. I have a month of summer to live. :)  ¶ 10:11 AM (2) comments

  The first bit of a story hit me last night while I was sitting in the movie theater waiting for Fantastic Four to start. (It was good, btw! I recommend it.) I am currently at a loss for the rest of the story, however. I scribbled down the bit I had in the little notebook I carry just for that purpose. Here it is:

"Today's your last day," said the cat with the voice of Balaam's ass. It was a cat of disreputable mien, narrow and awkwardly tufted. Jim Turner blinked and scratched his stubbly chin.
"Ain't this a dream?" he asked cautiously.
The cat rolled over and waved its paws in the air.
"So far," he grinned, "but now you gotta wake up."
He turned over and crouched, crooking his tail behind him.
"Remember this," he hissed, "today's your last day." And he sprang, claws extended, straight for Jim Turner's face. Jim threw up his hands, screamed, and...
...woke up. He lay, face pressed into his damp pillow, covers twisted under him. He wore last night's overalls, and when he lifted his head, a thin strand of drool descended from his chin. He groaned. The sunlight pouring into the room was too bright. It was a beautiful day. Days had no right to look that good when he had just been dreaming... What had he been dreaming?
"Cheshire cat. Cheshire cat on drugs," he croaked, testing his tongue. "Today's my last day. What the hoppin' hell-pepper's that supposed to mean?" He propped himself up on his right arm and groaned again. "It means I feel like the garbage truck hauled me away and compacted me into a teeny tiny little piece of - AIII!" He caught sight of his desk clock and squealed like a little girl.
Overalls onto the floor. Jim into the shower. He was late.

And that's all I got so far. I need to give him a terrible day, which he handles very very badly indeed. I'm not giving the ending away, though. :) I apologize for the near-cussing. Jim's the sort of guy who would be belting it out right and left, but I'm not quite comfortable with letting him do that in my writing. So I'm trying to be inventive instead. :D

Since the comments, I edited it a bit. I still like the first two sentences, though. They're the ones that sprang into my mind and made me want to write the story, though chances are I will lose the "Balaam's ass" bit at some point in the editing process. I just can't get rid of it yet. My real problem is that I don't know what to do with Jim's day. Basically, he's going to ignore the dream cat's warning and go about his normal pathetic business, and then... Well, I can't tell you that. The ending is secret. :) But I need some pathetic business for him to go about. Any ideas?  ¶ 5:40 PM (3) comments

  Yes, the world is messed up and sad. But we don't have to be. This is the other half of the message in Ecclesiastes, the part I glossed over a couple weeks ago because it wasn't what I needed then. God doesn't want us to wallow in sadness over what we've done to ourselves. He wants us to rejoice in the goodness He's given us!

Ecc. 12:9 - "And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; yea, he gave good heed and sought out, and set in order many proverbs."

OK, so that wasn't the verse I was thinking about. I just saw it on the way through, because it shows that not all knowledge is sadness, anyway. Here is the real verse:

Ecc. 5:18-20 - "Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labour that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him: for it is his portion. Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God. For he shall not much remember the days of his life; because God answereth him in the joy of his heart."

So, sadness for the world and joy for us. Pessimism in the course of where people lead countries; optimism for our own eternities. And peace - peace and satisfaction in my own gifts. :)  ¶ 9:05 AM (1) comments

  I'm delighted. Now I'm an Honors Fellow, I don't think I'll ever be able to escape the Intercollegiate Studies Institute. Nor do I want to. It's been a week since all of us students returned from Princeton, and I'm starting to receive emails. These were some neat people at the honors conference, and I feel privileged to be able to hear a bit of what they'll be doing. Further, I also received an invitation from ISI itself, inviting me to a seminar in Philadelphia on Sept. 8-11. They will, the email reassures me, pay for my transportation and room & board again. :D :D SHWEET! The only problem is that that would probably be the weekend that Gabi (roomie) and I celebrate our joint 22nd b'days. They let us go early Sunday morning, however, and I would be able to drive back in time to do something that evening. I'm sure it will work out. At any rate, I faxed in my registration form already. At the worst, I'll take two days of class skips. At the best, PHC'll give me an academic absence for something this worthy. :D

I've surrendered and decided to just enjoy the rest of summer. I'm spending my quiet time, working, reading, writing a bit, watching movies, spending time with family... Is good. I realize this might be a good opportunity to learn how to rest. It's a strange concept, because I've been running straight through for 15 years of my life. We never took vacations from homeschool when I was growing up, and I was always working for my parents. It's hard for me to stop.

Speaking about hard to stop, I'm feeling the urge to type something thought-provoking and start an argument. But that would take too long, considering that I should do weights before I drop the sibs off at youth group this evening. ttfn!  ¶ 3:06 PM (1) comments

  Actually, I think I know what the writing problem is. I am in a slump, because I haven't read much fiction lately. That is, I swallowed Ender's Game all in one huge gulp last Thursday on the way back from NJ. But other than that, nothing. How bizarre. And it's Tuesday already! I think I need to dive into Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix tonight and not worry about writing again until Saturday.

Whoa. My 18-year-old brother, Franklin, just announced: "I'm not a tomato! I'm an apple!" This exclamation quite logically followed from the previous conversation, which proceeded thusly:

Me: "Sheesh! It feels like yesterday I turned 21, but it's only two months and eight days until I turn 22! Before I know it I'll be 30 and wrinkly!"
Dad: "Now let's not get melodramatic."
Me: *sighs* "OK, so that's almost half again my age. But still!"
Dad: "Maybe you'll have a few crow's feet. It depends on how much time you spend in the sun. At least you probably won't have loose skin under your chin like I do."
Me: "Your chin is fine. At least you're not pasty white and flubbery like some guys, who eat only junk food. You know, you can sort of tell the things a person likes to eat by looking at the consistency of their flesh. All the cells in a person's body redo themselves every year, and they're made from what you eat."
Frank (interjecting from across the room): "So I'm going to be round and red, am I?" (He eats a lot of Red Delicious apples.)
Dad: "There's a big difference between turning into your food and being made from it."
Me: *laughs suddenly and loudly*
Dad gives me a strange look and says nothing.
Me: "You know, growing up in this family has twisted my mind."
Dad: "'Twisted?' Isn't that a little harsh?"
Me: "Well, what do you call it when your brother talks about turning into an apple and your mind immediately jumps to the scene in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes where the black secret agent dude is sitting in an orange round fabric suit in the middle of the other tomatoes? That's pretty twisted, isn't it?"
Dad again says nothing.
Frank: "I'm not a tomato! I'm an apple!"

So you see, it is perfectly logical.  ¶ 12:24 PM (0) comments

  OK y'all, the muse has left. I knew intellectually that this would happen at some point and that I would still need to continue writing Erthe, but I didn't want to believe it. Normally when I write fiction I am excited; I feel the zing! I've lost it, people. I've lost my zing! Or maybe I just think I have. I don't know any more. Perhaps I have over-analyzed; instead of the story popping clear and beautiful into my mind, now I see too many options. Yikes, it's scary!

My everyday life goes well, despite my last post. Putting in a day's work and exercise and family time helped much with that. Also, I was able to talk to two of my good friends on the phone last evening, which was enjoyable.

You know what, though? I think right now I am procrastinating by typing a blog post when I should be approaching my real writing. I'm scared to look at it. But I think I had better. :P  ¶ 6:22 AM (0) comments

  Well. Melodrama abounds. I apologize.  ¶ 12:50 PM (1) comments

  I haven't posted for several days, though I've tried. The empty blogger form window loads in front of me; I sit and stare at it; but nothing happens. Yesterday I typed a sad little bit of introspection, but I left it in the middle to talk to my mom, and when I came back a sibling had closed the web browser. It's for the best anyway, because I didn't like that post.

I think I'm trying to get a grasp on the "me" who returned from Princeton. With knowledge comes sadness, indeed. Our world is so messed up that nothing but Jesus was ever wholly good. This makes it hard for me to wholeheartedly rejoice this 4th of July in the founding of our country. It is certainly the best country available, but oh, we have so many troubles too.

I've been staring at the big picture so long that I am lost, a tiny speck drifting somewhere in the lower left corner. I feel the same way I did when I was twelve years old and my mom told me for the first time that I was too big to use the swingset in our backyard. I felt robbed. "If she had told me this would happen, how much more I would have swung and climbed before!" If I had known how irreversible was the condition of adulthood, I would never have wished for it. Whatever happened to my cozy little mind that stretched beyond the four walls of my home only by the medium of fiction?

Time has always scraped my flesh raw as it passed. No matter how quietly it crept, I've felt the cold edge of its movement. The "I" who is typing this post is just one point in the total Sarah. When I see an old lady creak herself to her feet and walk her weary limbs past me, she is myself. The very small child who runs shrieking along the edge of the pool until the lifeguard shouts at her to stop - she is myself too. One is my past; one is to come. Who am I? Blasted if I know.

When I stay very, very busy I can ignore the fourth dimension. When summer gives me time to think and life slows down, I notice every bit of temporal change. I gnaw at my cuticles and think, think, think. I take all the previous months, and I turn them around and flip them until they fit into myself most neatly. I realize most other people my age are quite blissfully unaware of time. I can never, ever forget it.  ¶ 8:18 AM (1) comments